Benefits
by Meags09
Summary: What if Lorelai and Luke were still sleeping together through season 7? Starts in 708 and goes through to the end of 722. (Rated M for a reason!) "She didn't stay the night. She crept out the back, and slipped through the alley. She carried their secret deep inside of her, the only thing that was preventing her from shattering into a million pieces." Now complete!
1. A Planetarium Prologue

The first time was an accident. She would have called it a mistake, but how could something that felt so right be a mistake? The second time was like a fever dream. She didn't fully wake until it was almost over, when she could feel the sweat evaporating off her skin in the cool air. The third time? The third time she went to him on purpose. After that, they were past the point of no return.

* * *

Everyone was mad at her that day. Rory was pissed because she and Chris got married in France, Chris was upset that Rory was pissed, and Luke was - well, he didn't want her around. He made that _perfectly_ clear.

Lorelai knew he was hurt the moment he saw the gold band on her left hand. She rushed to the hospital to be there for him when April went into surgery. It was instinct, running to him like that. She had been rushing to his side for years, even before they became more than friends. She played with the label on her beer bottle, agonizing over the look in his eyes. The guilt twisted into her like a knife, sharp and direct, but the alcohol numbed the pain just enough.

She chose this bar because it was off the highway. KC's was too conspicuous. She didn't want to get pulled aside in conversation, for people to inquire about her life and her sudden marriage. She wanted to get drunk unhindered. Once she felt sufficiently numb, she gave the bartender her keys and asked him to call a cab for her. As she stumbled toward the front door, she saw him. He looked about as good as she felt. She turned and walked as quickly as her unsteady feet could take her toward the back, to the hallway with the restrooms. There, in the dim light, between a trash can and some stacked chairs, she leaned against the wall, wishing for some sobriety. As she waited, she hoped that he hadn't spotted her. She just wanted to nurse her pain in peace.

But fate wouldn't have it that way. She could feel him approaching. Raw masculinity, with a scent that was uniquely Luke, and her legs trembled. She didn't remember what they said to each other. He leaned into her, and she could smell the beer on his breath. Apparently, they had had the same idea. Drink to oblivion, deny the hurt, and forget the past.

She didn't resist when he kissed her. When his tongue swept inside her mouth, she invited it. Their bodies came together automatically, after two years of making love, she felt like they were on autopilot.

Afterward, she didn't give him a chance to tell her it was a mistake. She knew it was. The ring on her finger felt like it was cutting off her circulation. She felt numb and broken. She dressed herself quickly and silently, and ran out the door. She slipped into the waiting cab and rode home in the dark.

* * *

The next day, nursing his hangover, he puzzled over what they had done in that bar. It was so unlike him to act like this. He had never been unfaithful before. He'd never even been unfaithful by technicality. He was always free and clear by both parties before ever acting on something like this. Of course, he _was_ free and clear. But she wasn't. She had married _him_.

All day, he went through the motions. He took April home, he made pleasant conversation. He made sure they had food and magazines and movies for the duration of her recovery. He returned to Stars Hollow and helped Caesar and Lane close up. After he flipped the sign to closed on the diner, he went upstairs. Sitting on the couch, staring at the wall, he didn't know what to do. If he should do anything. Maybe they would just ignore it, pretend it had never happened. But he didn't want to ignore it. He didn't want to pretend.

He hadn't meant to go to her house, but his legs went as if by rote. The only car in the driveway was the Jeep, so he knew she was alone. While he stood there, it was like he was outside of his body, watching someone else find the right key on the key ring that he'd never returned, and opening the door. He went up the stairs, and into her bedroom. She looked so beautiful, sleeping with her hair fanned out on the pillowcase. She sighed in her sleep, and he began taking off his shirts, his jeans, his shoes. He climbed into the bed beside her, like he had done so many times before. He held her, planning to stop at that, but when she snuggled closer to him, he was lost.

He didn't pause to think it over. He kissed her, his hands slipping under the waistband of her pajama bottoms. If she had murmured _his_ name, he would have stopped. But instead, a breathy "Luke" escaped her perfect lips, and he covered her with his body, pulling off her clothes.

After they climaxed together, she finally opened her eyes and stared at him, as if in disbelief that he was really there. He kissed her one last time, got up and dressed, then returned to his lonely apartment. It was as if he had never been there at all.

* * *

Several days passed. Lorelai was conflicted over her thoughts and emotions but she tried to hide it from both Chris and Rory. As much as she tried to forget it, she couldn't. The night she showed up at his door, neither of them had expected it, but at the same time, neither of them were surprised. She walked up to him, and he took her in his arms. They barely made it to the bed, they were so consumed with lust, longing, and despair. She knew that she had started something that was dangerous, but she couldn't stop anymore.

She didn't stay the night. She crept out the back, and slipped through the alley. She carried their secret deep inside of her, the only thing that was preventing her from shattering into a million pieces.


	2. Knitted Fisticuffs

The ol' non-slip knitting needle excuse had failed. Despite her intentions to ditch Chris and see Luke again, he had insisted on tagging along on her made-up errand. She had always been fond of her ability to think on her feet, but she even surprised herself by the ease in which she came up with the idea of flaunting their relationship in front of the town. Although, if she was being honest with herself, that wasn't exactly false. It was mostly that it had been a couple of days since she had felt Luke's hands on her body and she was a junkie needing her fix. Unfortunately, her attempts to put him off didn't work, and she ended up having to walk around Stars Hollow, pretending to look for something that most likely didn't exist.

She expected the strange reactions from her neighbors, although Babette did seem a little more squirrelly than normal. She purposely avoided looking toward the diner. She was good at playing it cool, but she didn't know if her acting was that good.

As much as she lived in her own dream world sometimes, she was reaching new heights of kidding herself. She gave herself a ton of excuses why she could be married to Christopher and have this other thing with Luke on the side. She told herself next time she saw him, she'd let him down easy. She couldn't be that woman anymore, it wasn't fair to anyone. Not her, not to either guy. Then she'd say to herself, just one last time. A final goodbye. But deep down, she knew she would go back to him, over and over, until he told her not to.

* * *

Luke watched them walking around, hand-in-hand. He was disgusted. With her, with _that_ guy, and also with himself. She was a married woman, for god's sake. She was supposed to be off limits, but since she had started wearing that ring, he had been with her 3 times. He tried to tell himself it was karma, that Chris deserved this betrayal, but his heart wasn't totally in it. He knew it was wrong. If his dad knew the way he was carrying on, he would have been so disappointed. But selfishly, he didn't want to stop.

If they hadn't been drunk that first time, it would have been a line never crossed. But after the line was crossed once, it was almost too easy to continue going over it, like the line was slowly being smudged until it was wiped completely away. The rest of the day, he tried to focus on other things. On the town going nuts with knitting craziness, on his conversation with Anna about April - god, he'd just gotten to know her, and now she wanted to take that away from him, too?

Luke felt like everything he loved was slipping through his fingers, and damn it, if he didn't want to hold on to both of them just a little bit longer.

* * *

Escaping to the Dragonfly was the perfect respite. Lorelai tried to focus on how she was going to start making things better, while ignoring her little morality problem. As she headed up the walkway toward her front door, she heard Babette calling her name.

"Heya, Sugah!" she rasped out, hurrying over from her own front porch toward Lorelai.

"Hey, Babette," she replied, stopping to greet her neighbor. Babette huffed and ran in that uniquely Babette way across their lawns.

Once she reached Lorelai, she took a minute to catch her breath. "Listen, Lorelai, I got somethin' to tell ya. You're not gonna like it." She looked around to make sure the Volvo wasn't in the driveway.

"Oh," she said, wrinkling her forehead slightly. "What's wrong?"

Babette sighed, then pulled her arm to bring her closer in a show of secrecy. "I know," she said, looking directly into Lorelai's blue eyes.

"Know?" Lorelai squeaked. _But how?_ She felt a sense of dread curling in her stomach.

"About you and Luke." Babette peered around Lorelai again to make sure they were truly alone. "I didn't tell anyone, not even Patty. I saw him come to the house the other night. Apricot ate some bad tuna so I was sittin' up with her. Anyway, no one knows but me. I didn't even tell Morey."

"Oh, Babette," Lorelai murmured, feeling a blush creep up her neck. She pressed a hand to her forehead as if she could feel a headache coming on.

"I just -" Babette paused, her eyes shifting, obviously trying to think of what she wanted to say before they were interrupted. "I wish you were with Luke instead of Christopher, but Christopher - he's not a bad guy. He doesn't deserve this."

"I know." Lorelai felt a fresh wave of shame. Babette nodded brusquely, and then started back toward her house.

"Just think about it, sugah, okay?"

"I will. Thanks, Babette." She steeled herself against the onslaught of emotion that she was trying to keep buried, and went inside.

* * *

When Sookie and Lorelai had hatched the idea about Chris and Jackson meeting for drinks at KC's, she had originally intended to spend the evening hanging out with her best friend. But then, Davey had started coughing and Sookie just didn't feel right leaving him with a sitter. Taking a moment to hate herself just a little for what she was about to do, she set out along the back alleys of Stars Hollow and snuck into the back of the diner. She called the diner phone and let it ring once, in what had become their signal for these forbidden rendezvous.

Sure enough, about ten minutes later, she heard Luke letting himself into the apartment. She had already taken off her clothes, and was laying provocatively on his bed. He walked toward her, pulling off his own clothes as he came closer, bending down to kiss her hard and passionate.

"I can't stand seeing you with him," he said into her ear.

"Shh," she replied, cupping him through his boxer briefs. She gripped his shoulders and pulled him down on the bed, turning his body so that she was straddling him. She ground against him briefly, watching him as he moaned. He reached up to fondle her breasts, circling his thumb around her nipple and watching it bead with his touch. She arched into his hands wantonly, shutting off her conflicting thoughts and just living in this moment of carnal bliss.

She moved off him, removing his underwear as she went. Her hands grasped his stiff cock, smoothing her thumb over the tip and making him gasp. With a wicked smile, she began stroking him lightly. He groaned, reaching his hands out toward her hips to move her closer. She held herself over him, angling his cock into position. She sank down slowly, relishing the feel of him pulsing inside of her. He pushed her up and down a few times, then let his hands roam all over her body, tweaking her nipples and grasping her ass in turns.

She could feel those feelings of love mixed with desire stir up inside of her, but she tamped them down. She tried to concentrate on how hard he felt pushing in and out of her, on how sexy he looked with his eyes half-lidded and full of arousal. With a spark of irritation, she knew her orgasm was still far away. She bent forward, trying to increase the friction to her clit. Luke realized what she was doing, and pushing her back a little, reached his hand between them and pressed his thumb firmly to her sensitive nub.

"I thought about you all day," he said roughly, knowing a little dirty talk could sometimes help her get there. When she moaned loudly, he kept going. "I thought about having you in my bed, about taking you in the diner." Her head fell back, and he pressed even harder on her clit, circling his thumb slowly. He felt her thighs tensing around him, and he knew she was close. "I was imagining how you taste, how you feel, what you sound like when you come..." She cried out, and he felt her squeezing him from inside. He continued to thrust into her as she slumped forward slightly. He moved his hand to go behind her, and flipped her over onto her back.

As the fog of her climax lifted, he began pushing into her more vigorously. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pushed back just as good as she got. It wasn't long before he shot into her, pumping recklessly. As he slowed, he pressed kisses over her neck, cheeks, and jaw, before landing on her lips. They kissed for awhile, still connected to each other. Slowly, Luke rolled to his side, and he just held her for a few moments.

After a sharp intake of breath, Lorelai sat up. She swung her legs over the side of the bed, and started gathering up her clothes. He noticed that she wasn't looking at him. Feeling slightly self-conscious about being naked, he went to his dresser and took out his customary sleepwear.

"I got bad news about April today," he said, as they were getting dressed. Lorelai paused in the middle of buttoning her shirt.

"Luke," she said softly. "We can't do this."

"Do what?" he asked, "This?" he said, pointing to the bed.

"No." She shook her head, trying to explain. "If we are doing _this_ ," she also pointed toward the bed, "I can't do chit-chat. We can't be friends. This has to be just sex."

"Oh," he said. He looked hurt, and she hated it, but she knew it had to be this way.

"Yeah, so not friends with benefits. Just ... benefits." Luke didn't know to respond to that. When he wasn't kidding himself, he knew that their 'arrangement', as it was, was nothing more than a series of hook ups. it pained him to think that she didn't consider it making love anymore, that it was only physical. But he also knew that that wouldn't be enough of a reason for him to stop this from continuing. He would take anything she was giving, no matter how much it hurt.

As she reached the door, she paused before slipping through. "Whatever your bad news about April is," she said quietly, not looking at him as she spoke, "I bet you'll think of something to make it right." And she disappeared down the stairs.

* * *

The house was too big. Couldn't Chris see that? It reminded her too much of her parents' prim and proper home. That wasn't what she wanted. She felt a surge of irritation. But instead of showing it, she kissed Chris and watched him drive his Volvo off to work. She grumbled inwardly about the unfairness of it all. She already had the perfect house. I mean, she knew why Chris wanted to move. It was obvious. Her house was _hers_ \- hers and Luke's. He knew about the renovations, about how they had chosen paint colors and tile and new furniture. About how she and Luke had made love all over the house before Chris had had his chance with her.

Thinking about how she and Luke had christened the house after the construction crew had left caused that familiar dampness between her legs to return. It had been awhile since they had been together. Thanksgiving came and went, and there were big meals to be eaten and shopping to be done. She went back and forth on her conscience. She knew she ought to end this thing between them, but the devil on her shoulder kept reminding her about how good they were together. Not that Chris was bad in bed, but he couldn't hold a candle to having a man like Luke. He was a little too selfish, a little too smooth. He never let himself go the way that Luke did.

As she drove back to Stars Hollow, she dialed Luke's cell number, but it went to voicemail. She didn't dare leave a message. What would she say, anyway?

* * *

The following Monday evening, Lorelai was hiding at the Dragonfly. She was once again irritated with Chris. So what if she didn't want to recreate their wedding vows? It was a stupid idea. Ever since he'd seen her holding Doula, he'd been a major pain in the ass. She knew that was the only reason he wanted to have another kid. She felt like he wanted to trap her somehow, stop her from getting away. Between Chris and her mother, it felt like everyone was trying to corner her. She was working herself up into a good internal rant when her cell phone rang. It seemed like Rory was having guy troubles of her own.

After Lorelai hung up the phone with Rory, she went back to her inventory. Her phone rang again, and she picked it up without even looking at the ID, assuming Rory had called her to vent about Logan some more.

"Lorelai?" She heard his voice, and the familiar stirrings of love and desire coiled up inside her.

"Luke?" she asked, sitting down again.

"Are you alone?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm at the Inn. Just me, and a few guests."

"Is it okay if I come by?"

"Yeah, I'll grab a room. Number 5 work for you?"

"I'm not picky. See you soon."

Lorelai had barely put down her purse on the desk inside room 5 when she heard a sharp knock at the door. She opened it to see Luke, his jaw set and his hands in fists by his side.

"I've had a bad night," he said. "Mind if this is a little, uh - rougher than normal?"

"I don't mind at all," she said, stepping back to let him in. In seconds, he pushed the door shut hard and thrust his tongue into her mouth, causing her to fall back against the wall. She felt a shiver of excitement as he began pulling off her clothes with hardly any preamble. It wasn't like they hadn't had hard and fast sex before, but this felt dangerous and forbidden, and she moaned in anticipation.

He pulled her away from the wall and began pushing her towards the bed. She fell down as the back of her legs hit the side of the mattress, and she began to lay back slightly when he grasped her by the shoulders and flipped her around. She landed on her stomach, and he pushed up her dress around her waist. "Oh, you're bad," she moaned, as he pulled her underwear down in one swift motion. She heard the rustle of belts and jeans behind her, and she waited, slightly wiggling her ass in the air in what she hoped was a sexy way.

He slid a finger between her legs, testing her to see if she was ready, and she heard him hum his approval at how wet she was. She lay with her head turned to the side, flat down on the bed, with her ass in his hands. He guided himself into her slowly, then quickly pulled out and slammed back into her. She cried out from the shock. He hesitated, worried that he was hurting her, but she groaned, "Don't stop!" Over and over, he pounded into her, gasping finally with his release.

He covered her back with soft kisses as he tried to slow his heavy breathing. Slipping out of her, he helped ease her onto the bed, laying her carefully on her back. She looked up at him, slightly dazed. He was still wearing his shirt and jacket, but he pulled them off as he settled next to her. Sitting up slightly, she untied her dress at the side and unwrapped it from her body. Luke reached behind her and undid her bra, and as she shrugged out of the dress, he pulled the straps down over her arms. He bent down to suckle her waiting nipple, and she sighed, leaning back into the plush pillows.

He began to caress her and build up her desire, laving her nipples with his tongue and smoothing his hands down her hips. Eventually, he settled between her legs, pushed apart her thighs, and licked her core from top to bottom. Her hips bucked involuntarily, but he zeroed in on her clit and flicked his tongue repeatedly, holding her hips steady as she climbed toward completion. As she came closer, he sucked her clit between his lips vigorously, and she tumbled over the edge, gasping. He soothed her down, slowing the pace of his lips and tongue on her as she came back to earth.

Luke sat upright near the foot of the bed, and for a moment, they only stared at each other. He looked like he wanted to say something, but the words wouldn't come.

"I better get back," he said. It was clearly not what he wanted to say, but Lorelai only nodded. Once again, they dressed in silence. Lorelai stripped the duvet and the pillowcases from the bed.

"I'm going to fix this," she said. "Remake the bed, all that."

Luke nodded. "So, I'll see you."

"Yeah," she said softly. Another meaningful pause, and then he walked out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.

* * *

Lorelai felt slightly sore but also guiltily sated when she returned to her house. The discomfort felt right. There should be physical pain as penance for what she was doing. She was contemplating the poetry of such things when a movement out of the corner of her eye made her jump out of her skin. Her mother was waiting for her, with a lecture about compromising. What she wanted to say was that she had already made the ultimate compromise. The man she had to settle for instead of the one she really wanted. But she didn't say anything.

After Emily walked back toward her car, Lorelai tried to hold back the tears that threatened to slip past her eyes. Her marriage was already falling apart, and it was all her own fault.


	3. Secret Concerns

There was nothing like spending Christmas Eve alone to bring out the Scrooge in a girl. Lorelai had decided not to celebrate the holidays until after Rory returned from London, but unfortunately the rest of the world wasn't in agreement. Chris left ten minutes ago with Gigi, headed to his mother's place for some kind of festive dinner. Despite the fact that Francine was now her mother-in-law, the ice between them was still as cold as ever, so Lorelai decided to skip it in the name of holding off on all traditions, including those of torturous family dinners.

After flicking through all the channels, she quickly realized that everything on TV was Christmas themed and bedecked in holiday spirit. It was only adding to her depressed state. Tossing the remote aside, she slumped back against the cushions and sighed. There was nothing to do, and no one around. Everyone she knew was busy with their own holiday plans. With a frustrated snort, she yanked her cell phone out of her back pocket and dialed the familiar number.

"Yeah?" he asked. Throughout the month of December, they had met up a handful of times. Sometimes at the Inn, once at her house when Chris was out of town on business, but mostly at his apartment.

"Are you alone?"

"Unfortunately, yes," he said, sighing. She didn't bother to ask why he wasn't with April. She could hazard a guess. Maybe Anna wouldn't give up her holiday traditions. Maybe he didn't feel like he could ask. She'd decided long ago she wasn't going to interfere.

"Can I come over?"

"Don't you have family stuff to do?" he asked, a trace of bitterness in his voice.

Lorelai felt slightly affronted. "I'm holding off on all merriment until after Rory gets back from London." She paused. "She's visiting Logan."

"Ah," he said. This was the most conversing they had done in months.

"So, can I?"

"Yeah, come over," he replied gruffly. She didn't bother saying goodbye. She just hung up, threw on her coat and scarf, and walked out into the night.

He had left the door to his apartment wide open, so after she climbed the stairs, she just walked right in. He was sitting on the couch, with the TV on, and drinking a beer. He gestured to an unopened bottle on the coffee table, and she picked it up.

"Whatcha watching?" she asked, using her sweater to twist the cap off the bottle.

"Football," he answered. They sat in silence, staring at the screen. It was familiar, this scene of domesticity. Maybe it was because it was Christmas Eve, but Lorelai didn't protest. She waited until they had finished their drinks and he clicked off the TV, then stood in front of him and pulled her sweater off over her head. She sat down, straddling him. He cradled her face in his hands, and met her lips in a soft kiss.

They stayed like that for awhile, just kissing. She could almost forget that she was married to someone else. After awhile, she felt his hardness beneath her, and his hands travelled to her back. He tugged at the band of her bra, and whispered, "Bed?"

"Okay," she whispered back. She stood up, only stopping the kiss for a moment. Their lips continued to meet softly as they slowly moved toward the bed. Luke ran his palms up and down her bare arms, giving her goosebumps. She began to unbutton his flannel shirt, and he unhooked her bra, sliding it down, trailing his fingertips down her arms and all the way to her hands, before letting the garment fall to the floor. She pressed her palms to his chest, pausing to feel his heartbeat before pushing up toward his neck and easing the shirt over his shoulders, where it joined their growing pile of clothes. Lorelai steadied herself by holding onto Luke while she stepped out of her jeans, peeling off her socks and shoes with them. The whole time they were undressing, the kisses continued in soft, sensual motions, with only whispers of tongue and gentle pressure. When all their clothes were puddled on the floor, Luke pushed the covers back and they slipped between the sheets.

Lorelai didn't want to compare, or even recall, the times they had made love when they were together, but this was eerily similar. Luke worshipped her body the same way he had after their first date. He was methodical, using his fingers and lips to soothe every part of her body, not allowing her to touch him. She tried to chalk it up to holiday sentimentality, but it was becoming incredibly difficult to not be swept away in this delicious torture.

He entered her wet heat inch by inch, keeping his lips against hers. He pulled her legs up to encircle his hips, maintaining a languid rhythm. She felt like she was floating on a cloud. When she came, she murmured his name over and over until the dizziness subsided. He eventually emptied into her, bending his head low so that his forehead brushed her breasts. He whispered something that she didn't quite hear but that sounded like "I love you." She pretended that he hadn't said anything at all.

He rolled them over so that she was lying on top of him, with his cock still pulsing inside of her. She breathed in deeply, savoring the smell of sweat, musk, and sex. His hand wove into her hair, playing with the strands as they lay together in silence.

On her way back to her house, she felt a sense of despair come over her. Usually, their times together felt more like a release of pent-up frustration and desire. She didn't want to overly complicate their relationship like this. Maybe it was just because it was Christmas, and they were both alone. She hoped so, because she didn't know if she could stand another heartbreak.

* * *

After Lorelai left, Luke was angry with himself. He hadn't meant to say it, but it spilled out. She hadn't seemed to notice, or if she did, she pretended not to. He didn't know which would be preferable.

He settled back down on the couch with another beer. He was depressed about the whole damn holiday. Tomorrow, the diner would be closed, and aside from lunch with Liz and TJ and Doula, he had no plans. He couldn't help but recall the previous year, when Lorelai had dragged him from one holiday event to another, including him in all of her traditions. He'd come over early on Christmas morning, just enjoying spending time with his fiancee and her daughter. This year, he'd basically be alone.

He began to think that letting Lorelai come over had been a bad idea. He just wasn't in a good emotional place due to the holiday, not to mention Anna's refusal to allow him to see April. Even on Christmas, for god's sake. Maybe he couldn't continue sleeping with Lorelai at all, regardless of the time of year. With a groan, he stood. He set the almost full bottle of beer on the kitchen counter and went to bed.

* * *

Lorelai and Rory's post-Christmas holiday celebrations were in full swing a few weeks later when she saw Luke's number flash on her cell phone. They hadn't spoken or seen each other since Christmas Eve. She ducked outside on the front porch to take the call.

"Hey, is this a bad time?"

"That depends," she said. "I've got Rory and Gigi as my hapless Christmas elves, ready to report for duty, so I really can't get away."

"This isn't for … that," he said.

"Oh, okay, then let's hear it. What's going on?"

"Well, I have a thing I need your help with, with April. It's kind of a big thing, so I wanted to know if we could meet in person."

"Oh." Lorelai closed her eyes tightly. She didn't want to have anything to do with his relationship with April. The pain was still too fresh. But given the nature of their current relationship, she knew that Luke wouldn't have asked if it wasn't really important. "Okay, well, I'll be at the Inn around 1pm."

"Sure, great, that's perfect," he said. "I'll see you then."

She flipped the phone shut, and leaned against the porch rail. She could hear Chris saying something to Gigi, making her giggle. She should be enjoying this. This was her family, her middle, her whole package. But she couldn't help but think it was all wrong.

* * *

She was just checking Cletus' stable lock when she heard footsteps behind her.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," he replied, sticking his hands in his back pockets. Her eyes flitted up towards the ugly black baseball cap. Most of the time she had seen him lately, he'd been capless, and she'd forgotten about the stupid thing. It was just another reminder of what had gone wrong between them.

"Don't you hire people to do this?" he asked, gesturing toward the barn.

"Yeah, but Cletus has been known to wander, so I was just making sure he hadn't figured out how to Houdini around this new lock." She stepped away from the stable door. "Have you seen inside?"

He shook his head, and followed her in. She pointed out both Cletus' and Desdemona's stalls, where they kept the food and extra hay, and all the horse-riding equipment they had accumulated. She was just about to show him the small grooming area they had set up when she felt his hot breath on her neck.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured, brushing aside her hair to kiss her neck. He nibbled slightly, and she giggled.

"Sweet talker," she said flirtatiously. She turned around and they met in a passionate kiss. It quickly escalated, and he had her against the barn wall in no time. "I thought you wanted to talk," she gasped, as his hands wandered up the skirt of her dress.

"This first," he whispered. They stumbled into an empty stall. "Is this clean?" he asked, sucking and kissing her neck.

"Yes," she moaned. He pulled off his jacket and dropped it on the ground, lowering her body onto it. He pushed up her skirt and pulled down her pantyhose. She parted her thighs in invitation, barely registering that they could be interrupted by guests or Inn employees while in this compromising situation. She reached out to unbuckle his belt, pulling it swiftly through the loops. He eased her panties off, sticking them in his back pocket. She tried to open his jeans, but he pushed aside her hands and freed his erection himself.

She was laying on his green coat, surrounded by hay, staring up at him when he plunged into her. She bit her lip in order to prevent from crying out, and she could tell he was trying to hold back, too. She pulled him down for a hard kiss, letting their tongues massage each other. He set a frenetic, desperate pace, no doubt because they could be discovered at any moment. With a final thrust, he spilled into her. Still breathing hard, he propped himself up on his elbows.

"You didn't…" he said.

She shook her head. "It's fine. Next time," she added. A look flashed through his eyes that she couldn't read, but just as quickly as it appeared, it was gone. He kissed her deeply, then pulled away. They both straightened their clothes, and Lorelai ran her hands through her hair in order to pull out any unwanted debris.

As they stood, Luke cleared his throat. "So, I wanted to ask about -"

"No, not here," she said quickly. He looked puzzled. "When we're alone, like this, we don't talk, remember?"

"Uh, okay," he replied, still looking confused.

"Go in the front door of the Inn and ask Michel for me. I'll come out, and we'll talk." The look her gave her implied that he thought the request was a little nutty, but instead of protesting, he simply nodded and walked out of the barn, toward the main entrance of the Dragonfly, her panties still in the back pocket of his jeans.

* * *

He didn't pretend that running into Lorelai at the mall the following day wasn't painfully awkward, but in a way it was good to see her in a non-sexual capacity. Not to mention it had been quite some time since he'd seen or talked to Rory, and he missed her, too. He shared a few meaningful glances with Lorelai as they all talked together, and he began to feel like maybe there was a possibility they could get a friendship started again.

Luke didn't know when he'd become such a sucker. First, Lorelai led him around like a puppy for years and was continuing to dictate the terms of their relationship, and now April had him purposely endangering his custody case because he couldn't say no to those plaintive brown eyes. The truth was, he missed April's company. He simply enjoyed having her around, blood relation or not, and was just as eager as she was to spend some time together. He made it as clear as possible that from now on, they were to be above board with Anna. He didn't want to give her another reason to take April away from him.

* * *

Lorelai already knew that she was going to go to Luke's apartment after she mailed the letter he'd asked her for. She knew when she put on her coat to mail the letter. She knew when she saw him at the mall that afternoon. She had been thinking of nothing else since she had listened to Luke and Rory talk about all of the birthday and Christmas gifts that he had given her, about how he had always been there. It was why writing the character reference had come so easily afterward. Once she dropped the envelope into the mail receptacle and was out of sight of her house, she hurried through the snow to get to him.

She let herself into the back entrance and walked up the stairs, trying not to make any noise. She knocked softly on the apartment door. When Luke opened the door, he was only wearing jeans, and his belt was undone. Seeing her perplexed expression, he said, "I was about to take a shower."

"Oh, okay," she said, coming inside. She started walking toward the bathroom, removing her hat and coat, then continuing to remove the rest of her clothes, too. "You don't mind if I join you, right?" He chuckled behind her.

She turned on the water, adjusting the temperature to the way he preferred it. Discarding the rest of her clothes, she stepped under the hot spray, letting the water rush all over her. She felt Luke's arms slip around her from behind, and he pressed kisses all along her neck and shoulders. She moved backward, letting her back rest against the tile, and Luke pressed up against her, letting her feel his hard cock against her sensitive flesh. She rested one foot on the lip of the tub opposite the wall, and he took the opportunity to lift it up, grabbing her other leg as well, until all her weight was in his arms. He used the tiled wall to help support her, and positioned her so he could slide easily into her waiting heat.

She clung to his neck, seeing his biceps bulge at the strain of holding her up. His strength never ceased to turn her on, and this was no exception. Her spine thudded against the textured grid behind her back as he moved her up and down. Between the cool tiles, the hot water, and his pulsing cock, she was overwhelmed with sensations, and just one look into his passion-inflamed eyes was enough to ignite her. She climaxed violently, her scream vibrating off the walls in the enclosed space. She heard him grunt, and knew he had come as well.

He eased her feet down to the bottom of the tub. She noticed a slight tremor in his arms, as if they were about to give from exhaustion. After a few moments, he shut off the water, and stepped out. He tossed a dry towel at her, and she dried off, leaving him in the bathroom.

She fell back on his bed, naked. She watched him as he moved around the apartment, getting out his sweatpants and the ratty t-shirt he slept in, getting a glass of water, and all the other things he did before bed. There was a pang in her chest, watching those familiar rituals.

"Thank you," she said softly. He paused to look at her.

"You're … welcome?" he said, wrinkling his forehead in confusion.

"Not for that," she amended, jerking a thumb toward the bathroom. "Well, and that. But I meant for being there for Rory all those years. It, uh - it meant a lot to her." _And to me_ , she thought.

He just nodded. She wanted to stay, for him to wrap her up in his arms all night. But she knew it was getting late, and Chris would be waiting. With a sigh, she dressed. When she was ready to leave, Luke had already climbed into bed and turned out the light. He was facing the opposite direction, so she didn't know if he was already asleep, but his body language indicated that he wanted her to believe that he was. So, she left without saying goodnight.

* * *

A week later, Sookie and Lorelai were walking around the town square. She was listening to her good friend vent about her unexpected pregnancy, but as they walked past the diner, her mind was somewhere else.

"Oh, god, I hope I have a girl. Ooh! Or a boy."

"Well, chances are pretty good you'll have one or the other." Lorelai paused. "I need to tell you something."

"Oh, okay, what's on your mind?" she said. Lorelai glanced backwards at the diner, but she didn't see any sign of him.

"Ugh, this is horrible." She took a deep breath, then leaned closer to Sookie. "I'm sleeping with Luke," she whispered into her friend's ear.

Sookie stopped walking, and grabbed Lorelai's arm. "You're - what!?" she asked, eyes wide in disbelief.

"I keep telling myself I need to stop, but I …" Tears stung at Lorelai's eyes unexpectedly.

"H-How long has this been going on?" she asked, as they began walking again.

"Since before Thanksgiving," Lorelai admitted.

Sookie, still holding onto Lorelai's arm in a death grip, she started walking faster. Lorelai had to practically jog to keep up with her friend.

"Where are we going?"

"My house. I'm getting out whatever booze we have and while _you_ drink it, you are telling me _everything_."

* * *

Despite being in relatively good spirits from the few drinks she'd had at Sookie's, Lorelai's heart sank when she walked into her kitchen and saw Chris looking at the draft of the character reference. She knew he could tell her defense of their marriage wasn't entirely sincere. But she refused to consider that she was still in love with Luke. Yes, they had a physical connection, but she and Chris had years of history. Wasn't that enough to base a marriage on? Once she got this thing with Luke out of her system, she could move on with her life. She could be 100% committed to Chris. He just needed to give her some time.

But instead, he walked out the door.

* * *

After the custody hearing, Luke was a jangle of nerves. He sent Caesar home and closed the diner himself, trying to keep his body occupied so he wouldn't just sit and think. But eventually, he was alone, and thinking was all he could do. He paced up and down the small apartment a hundred times. He thought about going over to Liz's house, but the thought of being near TJ did nothing to calm him.

Around 10pm, he considered calling Lorelai. At first, he balked at the idea. Ever since Christmas Eve, when he accidentally let it slip that he still loved her, he'd been keeping his distance. Of course, he had initiated things that day at the Dragonfly, but he'd tried to explain it away. He was a man, she was a beautiful woman who had made herself available to him. It was like a reflex. He didn't protest when she came to him, but at the same time, he felt worse and worse every time.

After he spent some time thinking about it, it began to make him angry. Why _shouldn't_ he call her? After all, she was using him for sex. Why shouldn't it go both ways? He needed to relax, and what was more relaxing than sex? His conscience told him he shouldn't feel that way, but he refused to give in to guilty thoughts. By the time midnight rolled around, he was too wired to prevent himself from calling her.

* * *

Lorelai tossed and turned that night. She knew he wasn't coming home. This is what Chris did. He never could stand situations he couldn't charm his way out of. When her cell phone rang at midnight, she tried to make herself not answer, but she was weak.

Luke slipped into her bed, and she gave herself to him. She fell asleep, still wrapped in his arms.

When she awoke the next morning, she saw the indentation in the bed beside her, and knew that he had left sometime in the early morning, just like she knew he would. The thought occurred to her that maybe Chris had come by and seen him, but when she looked out the window, there weren't any fresh tire tracks in the snow. The phone rang, jarring her out of her thoughts.

"Hey, I didn't wake you, did I?" Luke began talking about his success in the courtroom, but Lorelai was barely listening. She could feel everything unraveling all over again and she was helpless to stop it.


	4. I'd Rather Say Farewell to My Kayak

Lorelai wasn't surprised to see Luke at the hospital. It definitely wasn't any more surprising than Chris _not_ being there. This was how things were - Luke was there for them, and Chris wasn't.

Currently, they were all crammed into Richard's hospital room. The room wasn't meant to hold so many people, and it was stuffy and hot. Chris was being his regular charming self, but completely ignoring her. Which, given the petulant expression on his face when he saw Luke talking to her in the hallway, wasn't altogether unexpected. She thought it was ridiculous that these two grown men were so jealous of each other, throwing punches and acting like sullen teenagers.

"I'm sorry, we can't have everyone in here at once," the nurse said, poking her head in the room.

Rory and Logan looked at each other, and Rory nodded. "We were just about to leave anyway, Grandpa. But I'll be in early tomorrow."

"Okay, Rory. Get some rest," he said quietly, obviously still feeling the effects of his bypass surgery. "You too, Logan." Logan shook his hand, and with an arm around Rory, ushered her out. Lorelai felt a pang of jealousy, which was almost infuriating. She was too old to be jealous of her daughter's relationship. Suddenly, with Rory gone, the room seemed even smaller.

"I'm going to head out, too," Lorelai said abruptly. "Shower, get fresh clothes, let Paul Anka out. I'll be back in the morning. Mom, call me if anything comes up. I'll be happy to come back." Emily nodded, sitting by Richard's bed and holding his hand firmly. "See you at home, Chris?"

The look on his face didn't promise anything, and he nodded curtly. "Sure. At home."

But when she drove into Stars Hollow, she parked behind the diner. She took the stairs two at a time, and when he opened the door, she flung herself at him.

"What's this?" he asked, his arms automatically going around her.

"I just need you," she said, pulling him down for a kiss. They stumbled from the force of her momentum.

"Lorelai, I can't-" he started, but Lorelai cut him off with another kiss.

"Please, Luke. My father could have died today." She looked up at him with sad eyes, and she knew that he wouldn't refuse her. Her conscience barely even registered the manipulation, she was getting so used to blurring the lines. Yes, Richard had just had a major health scare, but the reason that she threw herself at him was not because of that. Once again, Luke had proved he was a better man than Chris. If only he had wanted to marry her.

When she kissed him again, this time he kissed back. She took charge, pulling off his shirts and moving him toward the bed. She gently pushed him to sit on the mattress, unbuttoning his jeans and sliding them off, taking his boxers with them. He watched silently as she pulled her own shirt off, tossing it to the floor. She was pushing her jeans down over her hips when she hesitated. "Do… do you want me to leave?" she asked, holding her pants so that just the top of her lacy panties were visible.

"What?" Luke's brow furrowed. Her question was the complete opposite of all her actions since she had arrived at his apartment, and she knew his confusion was warranted. But his mild resistance gave her pause. Maybe her conscience wasn't dead after all.

"You just don't seem like you want to do this," she said, stepping out of her pants but not moving to crawl into the bed.

"I _do_ want to," he said, his eyes traveling up and down her underwear-clad body, "I just … you've had a rough day."

"Yeah, I did have a pretty rough day." She pushed down her underwear and unhooked the bra, letting both items drop to her feet. "And this is exactly what would make it better." She stood naked before him, waiting for him to respond.

He shifted over, and patted the bed next to him. She got in and snuggled against his side as they lay down together, and he snaked an arm under her back. "Let's just lay here awhile," he said. He simply held her, their naked bodies pressed up against each other. She reveled in the feel of hot skin against skin, closing her eyes and luxuriating in the safety and comfort of being in his arms. It had been a long time since they had only laid next to each other. He was still so solid and so Luke, strong and unshakeable. She let herself have a small moment of weakness, inwardly wishing that he had been the one to put the ring on her finger. They rested together in silence until Lorelai checked the clock and saw it was getting late. She pressed a kiss to his forehead, got up, and got dressed.

When Lorelai got home, the Volvo wasn't there. She waited up for him, but he didn't come home.

* * *

Sitting on the couch in the Dragonfly's library next to Sookie and across from Michel, Lorelai couldn't stop fidgeting. She took the first opportunity to escape, but ran smack into Chris.

 _Never a dull moment_ , she thought to herself. Between the high-maintenance wedding party, Michel's dog funeral, and Chris showing up after days of not seeing him, Lorelai felt like she was about to explode. "I can't do this now. I have a million things to get done. I just - I can't." Of course he wanted to have a heartfelt discussion about the future of their marriage right in the middle of her hectic day. It was just like him.

"So, when?" Chris asked, a sad expression on his face.

"I don't know. Later." She stomped down the stairs, leaving him behind. She passed by Sookie as she went. "I'm going to run an errand. I'll be back." She didn't even pause to hear a response, she just kept going to the Jeep.

She parked several streets away from the diner, just to be on the safe side. She was being a little careless, doing this in broad daylight, but she was so _angry_. She felt justified in exacting this little revenge on Christopher. It seemed that when it came down to what really mattered, he _still_ wasn't dependable. She called the diner phone from her cell as she went up the stairs, hanging up after she heard the first ring. Once inside, she began pacing.

"Lorelai?" he asked, opening the door. She marched toward him as he stepped inside and immediately started unbuttoning his flannel shirt. "It's the middle of the day," he said, stopping her by holding her hands still.

"Is that a problem for you?" she asked, arching her eyebrow. "It didn't seem to be one the day that we rolled in the hay." Luke shrugged, then tugged at the tie on her dress, loosening it. He backed her up to the kitchen table, and in one movement, lifted her onto it. The dress hung open, and he pulled her underwear off, pressing hungry kisses all over her bare skin. He pushed her bra out of the way and cupped her breasts.

She responded just as fervently, pushing the flannel over his shoulders and yanking up his grey t-shirt. "God, this is hot," she murmured. "You and me, we're always so good at this."

"Mmm," Luke grunted, bringing her breast up toward his mouth and sucking the hardened peak eagerly.

"Off, off," she panted, grasping at his belt. He stepped backwards, quickly pushing down his pants and boxers. His fully erect cock sprang free, and she wrapped her fingers around the hard length, increasing his arousal. When she hooked her ankles around the back of his legs and pulled him closer, he fell forward and had to hold out his palms on the table to catch himself, his pants still pooled at his feet.

She encouraged him to come closer still using her legs, but he resisted. "Is something wrong?" he asked gently, looking up into her eyes.

She didn't answer right away. She couldn't tell him about the fight with Christopher, because that would be an instant mood killer. "Nothing feels right unless I'm with you," she said softly. Her hands tightened around his cock.

"Damn it, Lorelai," he groaned, as she began to stroke him. "The things you do to me." He leaned forward to kiss her, and she led him right inside of her, using her heels to drive him in deeper.

Gripping her hips with his hands, he thrust into her. Lorelai leaned back on the table, using her arms to keep herself upright. He pushed into her with smooth strokes, driving her up hard and hot, the table skidding slightly against the floor. She could feel herself letting go, and she welcomed the warm sensation of her climax flooding her body. Her head fell back and she moaned, low and deep, calling his name. She was coming down from her high when she felt Luke's body surge within her, pumping until he was spent. His hands still held firm to her hips as he slowed, breathing hard.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him. After only a brief moment, he stepped back, and covered her with her dress. Bending down, he picked up her panties from the floor and pulled up his pants. She took the proffered underwear from his hands. "I'm going to clean myself up," he said. "I'll see you later." He walked to the bathroom, and shut the door.

Lorelai eased herself off the table, and fixed her clothes. She felt a little confused over Luke's behavior. They didn't usually bask in the afterglow these days, but he was typically a little less abrupt. She checked her reflection in his mirror quickly, then let herself out.

* * *

Back at the Inn, Lorelai was sitting in her office and staring at the wall, replaying the phone conversation she'd just had with Rory. The whole time that they'd been talking, Lorelai had been overwhelmed with guilt over how much she had been holding back from her daughter. Rory said she was on her side - _no matter what_ \- but through the litany of silly reasons she'd come up with, Lorelai knew that the whole 'I'm cheating on your dad with Luke' thing would be pretty much unforgivable, and that was precisely why she'd left it out.

It wasn't just that Rory would have a poor opinion of _her_ that was stopping her from coming clean about the whole thing. Mostly, she didn't want her to think badly of _Luke_. They were both to blame in this mess, and she could tell that despite the fact they both knew it was wrong, neither of them wanted to stop. Luke had been the one stable male force in Rory's life for so long, and the idea of him falling from that pedestal was not one she wanted to entertain. She was already plenty aware of Chris' shortcomings, and she wanted to preserve the illusion about Luke as long as she could.

* * *

Once Lorelai was calm enough to talk with Christopher, she found herself trying to convince him to stay with her. He seemed so ready to let her go, but she didn't want to be let go. Not again, not this time. She was desperate to make it work. The obvious answer was to cut Luke out of her life, not just from her bed, but completely. It was an easy solution, but her entire body and soul balked at the mere idea. Since Sookie was the only other person that knew about it, she was the only candidate to be a sounding board, and so she brought it up with her the following day. She'd assumed that Sookie would help her brainstorm all the ways to help her convince Chris to stay, and what to do to show him she was committed to this marriage, but the conversation took an unexpected turn.

"If there were no Luke, I mean no Luke in the past, no Luke in the picture…" Sookie had said, trailing off.

"Yeah?"

"Well, would it be Christopher? Would he be _the one_?"

Lorelai hadn't answered right away. She didn't know. Chris had been such a huge part of her life for so long, it was hard to imagine him not in it. Sookie had given her a long hard look, but Lorelai had refused to meet it. "I don't know," she'd finally mumbled.

"Listen." Sookie put on her mothering face. "I think we both know that if you really want to work this out with Chris, just ending your affair with Luke will probably be enough. But you need to ask yourself why you're doing it in the first place."

As Lorelai prepared for Chin-Chin's memorial service, she mused on Sookie's words. She needed to be brutally honest with herself. When she thought about her feelings for Christopher, she knew that while she would always love him, it was beginning to be more like a brotherly love rather than a deep, abiding passion. It was part of the reason that she kept going back to Luke. When she was with him, it was full of passion and excitement and just raw sexuality. It was hot and sweaty and dirty. He pushed boundaries, he drove her to new heights of pleasure. He was strong and could play rough, but he would never push her further than she wanted to be pushed. He knew her, in a way that no one else did. Chris, however, hadn't really gained many skills since they were 15 and fumbling. And part of that, she knew, was that she wasn't giving herself to him as freely as she gave herself to Luke.

The painful truth was that even if she couldn't have Luke, she didn't want to settle for Christopher. Neither of them deserved that. And she had to face it like a grown up. So with a tearful speech, she told Christopher the truth he knew was coming.

Afterward, he gave her a final hug, and went upstairs to pack a bag. He was planning to come back in a few days, while she was at work, to pack up the rest of his things. He really hadn't moved all that much in. When the lease on his condo had ended, he'd put most of his things in storage. When he closed the front door behind him, Lorelai wiped her eyes and went to bed.

It was ironic. Her first night as a free woman, and she had no desire to spend it in Luke's bed.

* * *

The next several days, Lorelai avoided Luke. He didn't call her, and she didn't call him. She stayed away from the town square, and by extension, the diner. He must have heard about the break-up by now. She was sure Babette had seen Chris carrying his few boxes and suitcases out to his car. She just felt so muddled and depressed about the whole situation. So, what better way to avoid her own life than to jump with both feet into her parents' issues? So she listened to her mother rant about the help and her father's obsession with watching golf, she helped access her father's work reports and tax forms, and she ran errands for them, avoiding her own life by proximity as well as by thought.

Once Emily brought out the vodka, she tried as hard as possible to avoid talking about Luke. She knew if she spilled the beans about her infidelity to her mother, the fragile cease-fire between them would be over. She came agonizingly close only once, when Emily insisted on asking why Lorelai was spending so much of her time helping her. It was on the tip of her tongue to say it was to help her resist the temptation to run to Luke, but she managed to hold back.

* * *

Luke thought for sure the reason that Liz and TJ came over with all their stuff was to stage some sort of intervention. The news of Lorelai's break-up with Chris was all over town in minutes thanks to East Side Tillie, and he kept seeing people whispering to each other and giving him sidelong glances. It was enough to make someone want to relocate to the far reaches of the earth. But no, they were just being their naturally annoying selves, and mooching off his generosity. Grudgingly, he had to admit, with April gone it was nice to have some other people in the apartment. At the very least, it prevented him from embarrassing himself by running to Lorelai and begging her to give their relationship another chance.

There was a downside to having them stay with him; he couldn't be with Lorelai in his apartment with them there. Although, when he paused to think about it, he hadn't seen her since that random afternoon when she came in, obviously upset about something, and they'd had that amazing kitchen table encounter. He now realized that she had probably been upset over Christopher, and the idea made him bristle. She _was_ using him, just as he suspected.

But later that night, as he lay in bed unable to sleep, he heard Liz and TJ talking about the sad state of his romantic life. God, he missed Lorelai. For the hundredth time, he went back and forth in his head about whether or not this 'benefits only' arrangement was good enough. Was it enough to have the love of his life in his bed, or did he need to have more than that from her? Her split with Chris could be a promising development. Or not. He had no answers, as usual.

The next day, Luke saw the cordless phone sitting on the kitchen table after Liz and TJ finally left. _What the hell_ , he thought. He picked it up and dialed the familiar numbers, listening to the lines connecting. It went to voicemail, but he didn't know what to say, so he hung up.

* * *

On her way home from Hartford, Lorelai heard her phone ringing. She stuck her hand into her purse blindly, feeling around for the phone, her left hand still on the wheel. She glanced at the caller ID, and saw the call was coming from Luke. After hesitating a moment, she dropped the phone back into her purse, letting her voicemail deal with him since she couldn't bring herself to do it.

* * *

 _A/N: I'm overwhelmed by the response I've been having to this fic! It's angsty and a little dark, but I'm so glad so many people are reading and reviewing! I love all your reviews, PMs, favorites, and follows. Keep them coming, you never know if your comments might help me get past a writers block I'm having - it's been known to happen! Big big thanks to my lovely beta Skinfull who continues to make sure this story makes sense. Check out my profile for more ways to interact with me and see what else I'm working on! xxoo_


	5. Will You Be My Only?

Luke stood alone in Liz and TJ's garage, his arms folded and staring angrily at the unfinished boat. He'd circled back after walking around the block to let off a little steam. Now he was stewing silently. Where did she come off, talking about being stuck? Sure, he wasn't the most receptive guy when it came to change, but since when had he ever been _stuck_? But as soon as he had the thought, his ill-fated marriage to Nicole came to mind, a memory he'd done as much as possible to repress since the divorce had been finalized. He'd stuck with Nicole despite not wanting to be married to her, not loving her, and by the end, not even liking her all that much. Was he still stuck?

It pissed him off to think that Liz, his screw-up of a baby sister, was in a better place than he was. He'd always been the rock in the family, but now he was adrift. She had a husband, a beautiful daughter, and a thriving business, and all he had was a kid he barely knew and a diner that could practically run itself. He began to walk around the boat, smoothing his hands over the unfinished surface. It was the same boat that Lorelai had prevented him from getting rid of barely two years ago. He hadn't felt stuck when he'd been with her. But, maybe he had been. Maybe that's why he'd frozen when she delivered that ultimatum, and why he hadn't been able to say yes to her that night.

He didn't want to end up six feet under with only a half-finished boat to show for it. He went back to the diner, hoping Kirk would still be there. He was ready to stop being stuck.

* * *

Lorelai had been caught up in a whirlwind of getting everything ready for Lane and Zach's baby shower, in yet another effort to completely distract herself from the mess of her own life. She was brought to reality with a grinding halt when she talked to Luke. He bought a boat! Got rid of the old one and bought a new one. _Things change_ , he'd said. She tried to push any speculative thoughts out of her mind. It didn't mean anything. It was completely unrelated to her.

Just before Luke left the baby shower, he pressed a note into Lorelai's palm. She waited until he was out of sight before reading it. She unfolded the paper, and saw

 _Bridgeport Marina, slip 12. Tonight._

in his neat handwriting. She felt a slight tremor in her legs after she read it. She shouldn't go. She should try to start over, mend her heart completely, and then try to move on. Instead, she kissed Rory goodbye, and drove to Bridgeport.

By the time she arrived at the marina, there was hardly anyone around. She looked at the signs, trying to find Luke. When she finally spotted him, he was busying himself by putting things into the boat and untangling a mess of ropes. He looked up when he heard her heels thudding against the soft wood of the dock.

"You came," he said, a relieved smile playing at his lips.

"Didn't think I would?" she asked, taking her first look at the boat. Although it was smaller than many of the others docked at the marina, it was easily twice the size of the boat he had inherited from his father. The sleek white sides met in a point at the bow, making it look like an arrow ready to skim through the water. It was hard to see much more in the dim light, but she could see a small deck-like area at the stern, leading toward the covered cockpit.

"Here," Luke said, stepping into the boat and holding out his hand. She took it, and he pulled her up. She spent some time poking around, looking at the controls and then peeking below deck. Luke finished unsecuring the boat from the dock and placed his hands on his hips. She was gazing over the side of the boat, and she looked up to meet his eyes. "Do you want to go for a ride?" he asked tentatively. He looked almost shy, like he expected her to refuse.

"Okay," she agreed with a shrug. He grinned, and got her settled into a seat by the controls. She watched as he expertly started the engine and carefully eased the boat out of the marina and into the open water. For a while, they rode along in silence. Eventually, he killed the motor and dropped the anchor, and gestured for her to follow him to the open deck. He spread an old quilt down and motioned for her to get comfortable. He laid on his back, arms crossed behind his head, looking upwards, and she mimicked his position. They continued to enjoy the silence, the cool spring breeze sweeping down on them, and the sound of the water lapping against the sides of the boat.

"You've been avoiding me," he said eventually, as they lay on the blanket looking up at the stars.

"Sorry," she said, not even trying to deny it. "I've just been thinking everything over. You know, with you and with Chris. It's gotten so muddled up in my head. I'm just trying to sort everything out."

"Oh," he said, and they were quiet again. He turned his head to look at her. "Any closer to being unmuddled?"

She sighed softly. "Not really."

He cleared his throat. "I told Liz that we were friends, but that's not really true, is it?" She could hear the hurt in his voice, and she felt an ache in her chest.

She looked over at him, with a slight smile on her face. "I'd like it to be." He smiled back. "We used to be such great friends, and I… I really miss that."

"Me too." He paused, his eyes searching her face for answers she didn't know how to give. "So do things change for us?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, her confusion evident.

He sat up a little, leaning on his elbows, looking down at her. "I don't know, are we going to continue seeing each other?"

"I guess that's up to you," she said. "If you want to stop, I understand."

He shook his head. "I don't want to stop."

Lorelai felt a surge of relief as she slowly let out the breath she wasn't aware that she was holding. "Me neither."

Luke laid back down, his face still turned to hers. "Will you stay with me tonight?"

Lorelai paused. She wanted to say yes, but she knew this was dangerous territory. Things between them were changing but she still needed to protect her heart. But as she looked into his eyes, she knew that wild horses wouldn't be able to drag her away from him tonight. "Okay."

"It's cold," he said. "Let's go into the cabin." He stood, pulling her up with him. He led her down below deck into the sleeping area of the boat. For a moment, he only looked into her eyes, still holding her hand. She felt a little shy from his stare, and ducked her head a little. He tipped her chin up with his other hand, and kissed her softly.

The usual urgency was gone since they had all night to be together, and she could tell Luke intended to take full advantage of that. He let his lips brush over hers, applying only the gentlest pressure. His fingers wove into her hair. She'd straightened it for the baby shower, but the humidity in the air over the water had caused the ends to curl up. She stepped closer, letting him bend her head like a doll as she surrendered to his ministrations. He parted his lips, and let his tongue trace a line over her bottom lip. She moaned in pleasure, and he was encouraged to slip his hand underneath her shirt and gently touch her skin.

He slowly lowered her down on to the bed in the cramped cabin, the room only big enough for the mattress. He nipped and sucked along her skin as he removed every piece of clothing. Lorelai laid on the bed, looking up at him, allowing him to take control as she stayed passive. His hands swept up and down her skin as he revealed more and more to the air. She closed her eyes, and let herself be carried away in the pleasurable sensations of his callused hands, strong but gentle, and his soft lips and rough stubble skimming over her body in turns.

He pulled off his own clothes while she watched, letting her gaze take him in. He still looked the same as the first night they'd ever made love, strong and muscled, tanned skin and sparse hair. He moved on top of her, and kissed her deeply. She opened herself to him and he entered her, never ceasing to caress her with his hands and lips. She clung to him, letting her fingers tousle his hair and letting him fill her, not just her body but her soul, too.

He slipped his hand between their writhing bodies, pressing on her clit with a gentle yet firm touch. She gasped when she came, and with a final thrust, he followed, smoothing her hair with his hands and trailing kisses along her face. He rolled off of her, but gathered her in his arms, like he never wanted to let her go.

"I need to call Babette," she said, tucked into his side. He glanced down, curiously. "Paul Anka," she explained softly, and he nodded. Getting out of the bed, she found her purse and dug around for her phone. She grabbed his flannel and wrapped around herself, going up on the deck to make the call. She couldn't tell Babette where she was, so she just told her got unexpectedly delayed at her parents' house, and asked her to please check on Paul Anka. When she hung up, she stood silently, shivering, watching the waves and the moonlight glittering off the water. After a moment, she shook her head slightly, then went back to bed.

When he woke up the next morning, she was gone. There was no note, no trace of her remained. The only proof he had that she had been there at all was a hollow on the pillow beside him where she had slept.

* * *

Lorelai hurried away from the marina in a classic walk-of-shame. She couldn't let herself fall for him again. Their relationship wasn't going anywhere, and she knew it. She was a way for him to not be lonely, now that April was gone. Letting herself get wrapped up in a fantasy of a life with him was just going to cause her to hurt. He said that things change, but once again, she hadn't been the one worth changing for. Chris had gotten his shit together for Sherry, and Luke had for April. But no one was striving to be better because they loved _her_.

A few weeks later, Lorelai was trying to convince Rory to come with her to Mia Halloway's wedding in North Carolina. She didn't know if Luke would be there. The tenuous agreement they made to be friends again hadn't produced any changes between them yet. Lorelai was still trying to protect herself, and she really just didn't know how to pretend just to be Luke's friend, particularly if they were going to continue sleeping together. Sookie had already said her piece of the subject, which was mostly that she needed to either call it quits or get back together with him, neither of which she was ready to do.

What Lorelai really needed was her wing-woman, and her heart leapt when Rory finally agreed to go along. Of course, the catch was that her mother was going too, but at least if Emily were around, Luke would probably keep his distance. She needed more time.

* * *

Zach's invitation to have dinner with him and Lane was the perfect excuse to get out of going to Mia's wedding. Luke had been going back and forth on whether to accept or not for way longer than Emily Post would have considered proper. He tried to sound contrite on the phone when he expressed his regrets, but despite how wonderful his evening with Lorelai on the boat had been, the way things had ended just made him nervous to be around her. He thought their conversation had meant they would be getting closer, but she had disappeared without even saying goodbye.

And as for being friends again, there had been no further developments on that front. He wanted to believe that they had something more than just amazing sex. They'd been such good friends, leaning on each other in good times and bad, for so many years and he hated the way that things had become strained between them. With Chris out of the picture, he had hoped that they could move forward, but instead, she seemed to be distancing herself more.

He tried to focus on the things in his life that needed his attention. Like being godfather to Lane and Zach's boys. How differently his life was turning out than he had planned.

* * *

After the wedding ceremony, Lorelai was checking out the dessert table when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Mia, smiling in that blushing bride kind of way that only a newlywed could have. "I recommend the chocolate tortes," she said, eyes sparkling. "They're my favorites."

"Congratulations again, Mia," Lorelai said warmly, pulling the older woman into a fierce hug. "I'm so glad that Rory and I could come. And my mom, too."

"It's been wonderful to have you here," she replied. "But may I borrow you for a moment?"

"Uh, sure," said Lorelai. "Something wrong?"

"Oh, no, nothing like that." Mia guided her to a less crowded section of the house, near the back. "So, tell me what happened between you and Lucas. He refuses to tell me."

"Oh, god," Lorelai sighed. She smiled weakly as Mia stood beside her, with that same maternal posture she'd had back when Lorelai had just started as a maid and needed her guidance and protection. "Can we sit down?"

"Sure," Mia said, and led her out a side door to a small patio. There was an old cast iron bench and some empty boxes, but it was deserted. Lorelai sat gingerly, and clasped her hands together in her lap.

"How much do you want to hear?" she asked wryly.

"As much as you want to tell me," Mia replied without missing a beat.

Lorelai blew a puff of air out of her mouth, and closed her eyes tightly. "He didn't want to marry me," she said finally, willing herself not to break down.

"What makes you think that?" came the soft reply. Lorelai tried to focus on the sounds of the leaves crinkling in the wind and the distant call of sparrows so she wouldn't cry.

"I asked him to elope with me, and he said no. I said now or never, and he let me walk away. He didn't even try to find me until late the next morning. By then I'd… I'd slept with Rory's dad." She felt a comforting arm around her shoulders, and felt her resolve breaking. A tear slipped out and she wiped it away angrily.

"But that's not the worst of it." She sniffled. "Then, I thought maybe Chris and I could make it work, because you know, he's always been there and he's finally a responsible adult. So we got married, on a whim. _He_ wanted to elope with me, even if Luke didn't. He was willing to take a chance on us." More tears fell down her face. "But when Luke found out I was married, I could tell he was devastated. I felt so awful, I went to this bar and got drunk. And… and he was there too, and we…"

A sob burst out of her, and she let her head fall into her hands. Mia rubbed her back in comforting motions. Lorelai wiped her wet cheeks with her palms and tried to calm herself down. "And ever since, we've been meeting secretly. And now Chris and I are getting a divorce. He doesn't know about Luke," she added, heading off any questions. "He just knew I wasn't in it 100%."

"Quite a year you've been having," was all Mia said, as she continued to rub her back.

"Yeah," Lorelai replied, looking over at her old friend. The two women shared a sad smile, and Mia hugged her closer.

"So, what are you going to do now?" she asked.

"The million dollar question," Lorelai sighed sadly. "Gonna need a lifeline on that one."

* * *

Back in the motel room that evening, Rory and Lorelai oohed and aahed over the pictures of Lane's tiny baby boys. Lorelai felt that familiar twinge of jealousy in her gut. She hated to think this way, but her brain didn't hesitate to remind her that she was right. Everyone else was going to get their middle before she would. She'd been given all the chances, and she'd royally screwed up all of them. _Three strikes and you're out_ , she thought sadly, faking a smile and cooing over the sweet newborns.

"Luke took them to the hospital," Rory said, trying to pass off her comment as no big deal.

Lorelai didn't take the bait. "Oh, that's great."

"Please tell me you're not going to start something up with that man again," Emily scoffed, somehow making sitting on a rumpled motel room bed look ladylike. Rory shot her a look, but Lorelai shook her head.

"No, Mom. He didn't want to marry me. It's over." She nodded decisively. "I need to move on with my life. I just don't think marriage is in the cards for me."

"Aw, you don't mean that," Rory said softly. "You'll see. Things will seem better after you've had some time."

"Maybe," Lorelai said, smiling brightly. "Now, let's focus on the movie. I want to see Mom's face when she sees her dream man on the screen."

"Honestly, Lorelai," Emily muttered, but the women took the hint and dropped the subject.


	6. It's Just Like a Maze

Six weeks after Mia's wedding, Lorelai considered her new plan to avoid Luke as much as possible a success. It was obvious from his radio silence after her abrupt departure from their last night together that he got the message. It was only after an exceptionally rough day at the Dragonfly that she collapsed on her couch with a glass of wine, and her thoughts began to wander.

God, she missed him.

And it wasn't just the feeling of being close to a man that she missed. She missed _Luke_ , specifically. She realized during her second helping of Chardonnay that she hadn't even thought about Chris since he left. During a particularly vivid memory of love-making with Luke, she impulsively made the decision to go to him. Fuzzy-headed from wine and suffused with desire, she snuck through the alley entrance to the diner and crept up the stairs. It was late, and she assumed that he'd already fallen asleep. Sure enough, the apartment was dark and she could hear his soft snores from across the room.

Tossing aside her pajama bottoms and t-shirt, she crawled into the bed beside him. Still asleep, he wrapped his arms around her like he had been expecting her somehow. After a moment, he inhaled deeply, and she felt him stir.

"Lorelai?" he asked incredulously, his voice gravelly and thick with sleep.

"It's me," she whispered. "Is it okay that I'm here?"

"Yeah, sure, it's fine. Uh, I thought you… I don't know, I'm just surprised is all." He pushed himself up to sitting, and she took in his rumpled hair and t-shirt. "Is everything okay?" he asked. She could just barely make out his face in the dim streetlight shining through the window, but his eyes were squinted in her direction.

"No," she said, but before he could ask her to elaborate, she leaned forward and kissed him. When he lifted his hands to smooth them down her back, he realized she was naked. He groaned sleepily, moving his hands around to cup her breasts, brushing his thumbs gently over her nipples.

Lorelai reached down to his groin to feel his cock, which was semi-erect already. She slipped her hand into his sweatpants, and stroked him gently. His hands tightened against her breasts in response, and she gasped. When he was fully erect, she turned, pushing down his pants and eased herself down on him, rotating her hips slightly before lifting up and letting herself fall down on him, hard.

"I've missed you," he mumbled, still half asleep.

Lorelai didn't want to admit out loud that she missed him, too, so she lifted herself up and slammed herself back down, reveling in the grunts he was emitting. She kept up her fast pace, hoping to distract him with pleasure. She flattened her palms against his chest, heaving herself up and down. It was unusual for Luke to be so passive when they were together, and she felt him begin to reciprocate as he gradually awoke. He reached out to still her hips before she was about to lift again, and he rotated his own hips, shifting his cock around inside her and making her groan in rapture.

He flipped her over suddenly, taking the control from her. He thrust into her slowly at first, building up to a pace that equaled her original rhythm. She lifted her arms over her head, pushing back against the headboard, her breasts bouncing from the motion. A feline smile crept over her face, and she closed her eyes, knowing that this was exactly what she needed. She felt full and connected and sexy and desirable, and it was pushing away all the bad thoughts and feelings that had built up over the last few months.

He stopped moving suddenly, and her eyes opened. He was staring at her. Their eyes had both evidently adjusted to the dark room, and they observed each other.

"What's wrong?" she asked, reaching up to run her hand along the side of his face.

"Nothing's wrong," he replied, bending down to kiss her softly. "You were just smiling, and I wondered if there was a story behind it."

She giggled a little. "No, no story." She sighed happily. "I just… I needed this tonight."

His eyebrow quirked a little, and he glanced over at the alarm clock by the bed. "At 2am?"

"Come here," she said, still smiling, and he kissed her deeply, beginning to move in and out of her again, this time going slowly, stopping to circle his hips each time he was buried deep inside her. Her smile faded and was replaced with her moaning his name. He lifted her ass with one hand, and he knew she was getting closer to her climax by the way her thighs tensed and her cries grew more primal. He felt her clench him tightly, then fall back limply on the bed. Her complete surrender pushed him over the edge, and he groaned as he emptied into her.

Wordlessly, he curled his body around hers, and they fell asleep holding each other.

* * *

The scent of coffee wafting into the room woke her up. She sat up groggily, pushing her hair out of her face and pulling the familiar blanket up to cover her breasts. Luke, fully dressed already, walked over holding a mug.

"Morning," he said, handing it to her. She took it gratefully, breathing in the spicy scent. "How'd you sleep?"

"Fine," she said. What had seemed like a great idea the night before suddenly seemed like a huge lapse in judgment. She had been trying so hard to stay away, but one slight buzz and she was back in his bed.

"Did you, uh, did you wanna talk about last night?" he asked gruffly, looking slightly uncomfortable.

"Not really," she admitted. He nodded, and they both fell into silence. She drank her coffee and he stood by the bed awkward, hands in his pockets.

He cleared his throat. "Uh, April's arriving this afternoon. For the festival. So, I'll have… her here, so we can't…"

"Right." It was actually a relief. Some external force to prevent her from succumbing to her temptations. "I need to get dressed and get to work," she said.

"Oh yeah, sure." He began to step backwards to the apartment door. "I'll go back to the diner. You know how to get out the back?"

"Yeah, of course," she said. She'd only been sneaking out the back for months now. She breathed a sigh of relief after he disappeared downstairs. _Coming here was stupid_ , she thought, berating herself. After dressing herself quickly, she went downstairs as quietly as possible, and slipped through the back door.

She walked down several alleys, but her normal escape route was thwarted by a giant wall of hay. _Well, this bodes well for the rest of the day_ , she grumped inwardly. It took a few tries, but she managed to find a rarely traveled route to her house, where she changed and got ready for work.

She was almost glad that by the time she arrived at the Dragonfly, Sookie and Michel were already in the middle of an argument. She needed the distraction, and it helped prevent them from noticing her late arrival. All of her careful avoidance over the past six weeks had completely fallen apart in one night. But going forward, she was choosing to put aside all thoughts of Luke to focus on work. She was also grateful that Rory was coming home, even if that was tempered slightly by the fact that she was bringing Logan with her. At the very least, it was another thing to distract her from the sorry state of her personal life.

* * *

The following day, Lorelai waited at the house for Rory to arrive before going to work. She tried to not be so awkward around her daughter and Logan, but there were so many facets of their relationship that gave her pause. He reminded her so much of Christopher that it was almost giving her flashbacks of all the myriad ways Chris had let them down before he grew up. Logan still had a lot of growing up to do. His cavalier attitude about business in particular. And what was it about men and these bizarre internet start-ups? Hadn't they all learned a hard lesson on that front? She was lost in thought over it when Sookie knocked on her office door.

"Ready to go to the town meeting?" she asked,

"I'm ready," Lorelai replied, jumping up and grabbing her bag from the shelf under the front desk.

"Then let's go!" Sookie chirped, and the two friends started walking toward town. "So do you think you'll see Luke at the meeting?" she asked after they'd left the Dragonfly property and started down the road leading to the town square.

"Uh, maybe," Lorelai said, not meeting her gaze. Sookie stopped walking, and pulled Lorelai to a stop.

"Wait a minute," she said, narrowing her eyes. "You've seen him lately, haven't you?" Lorelai looked down at her shoes, not responding. "Lorelai! You were doing so good! It's been, what, two months?"

"Six weeks," she said shamefully.

"Did something happen?"

"Ugh, you know how rough the day before yesterday was," Lorelai began.

"So this was just the other night?"

"Yeah, after work I went home and I poured myself a glass of wine -"

"Oh, honey," Sookie interrupted, shaking her head.

"-and I was just sitting there, alone, feeling sorry for myself. And I don't know, the fatal combination of wine and pity, and I just ended up going there." She sighed heavily. "I know, I'm a horrible person."

Sookie gave her a sympathetic smile. "You are _not_ a horrible person."

"Yes I am! Especially since I'm doing this, but I _still_ feel all weird about Logan being here." They started walking again, Lorelai swinging her purse back and forth from her hand.

"So they're staying in the trundle bed, huh?"

"Yep."

"So if they're all cozy and trundly, I guess that means Logan's out of the doghouse, huh?"

"Out of the doghouse. Back to roaming the neighborhood," Lorelai responded curtly.

Lorelai continued to rant about all the things that she disapproved of in regards to Logan until they got to the meeting. To her surprise, the moment she walked inside Miss Patty's, April bounded up to her in a greeting. The conversation between the three of them seemed weird and awkward, but kind of nice at the same time. The fact that Luke continued making conversation with her after April went to find their seats was completely unexpected to her. She allowed herself a moment to replay the conversation in her head, then turned her attention to Taylor's reallocation of town funds to the hay bales overtaking the town.

"So what are we going to tell all our Spring Flingers at the Inn?" Sookie asked later, as they began the walk back toward the Dragonfly after the town meeting.

"I don't know, but I want Taylor's head on a platter for it," she grumbled, kicking aside a stray clump of hay with the toe of her boot.

"So you said your conversation with Luke was… what did you say? Polite, succinct, fine?"

"Yep, that about sums it up."

"So?" she nudged her.

Lorelai looked over. "What?"

"What does it mean?"

"Mean? Nothing. It means nothing."

" _O-kay_." Sookie smirked, but didn't elaborate, waiting for her friend to say more.

She sighed. "Except… well, I just couldn't help but notice that he kept talking to me even after April walked away."

"Why is that strange?"

"Well," she said haltingly, "it just seemed like after April came into his life, he wasn't making much time for me. It was like, being with me was an obligation. Something on his to-do list. Like, he didn't want to be married anymore but you know, he'd spent all those years pining and the sex is good, so why end things, you know? But today, for a brief moment, I felt that he really wanted to talk to _me_. And that's, well, that's big."

They walked in silence for awhile as Sookie contemplated what Lorelai had said. "Have you told him you were sorry?" she asked finally.

"Huh?"

"Have you told Luke you were sorry? You know, for sleeping with Christopher? Even though _you_ knew you were broken up, _he_ didn't know that."

Lorelai thought it over. "No, I don't think so," she said. "Not really."

"Well, maybe you should," she said gently.

* * *

Lorelai didn't have much of a chance to think further on Sookie's advice, because once they returned to the Inn, they were busy with check-ins for guests and soothing upset would-be Spring Flingers. When she arrived home, she was surprised to see Logan and Rory cooking in the kitchen. She had a slight pang in her chest, remembering the last time she had seen them look this domestic. It had been on that horribly awkward weekend in Martha's Vineyard, when Luke had spent most of the time acting weird and distant. She'd already known then that he didn't really want to marry her.

She was delighted when, in the midst of dinner preparations, Rory received the job offer for the Providence Journal Bulletin, because she was so proud of her daughter, all grown up and getting the type of job she had dreamed of since she was a little girl, and also because it was another welcome distraction. Even the minor squabble with Logan over the reality of financial responsibility was better than dwelling on the growing ache in her chest anytime she was reminded of Luke.

Lorelai couldn't sleep that night. She kept going between thoughts of Rory and Logan, and what Sookie had said about Luke. She didn't know if an apology would make a lick of difference by this point. Around 1am, she decided if she was going to be awake, then she might as well eat some more pie. She was surprised to see Logan in the kitchen when she flipped on the light, but it turned out to be good. He told her he wasn't a gambler, that he was terrified of messing up in front of her and not gaining her approval. She hadn't realized that her opinion still held stock in Rory's eyes, but evidently Logan thought it did. And most comforting of all, he admitted that losing those millions of dollars was a huge regret.

After her kitchen chat with Logan over pie, Lorelai went back upstairs to bed. She kept ruminating on what they had talked about, and how reassured she felt that he had admitted to screwing up so badly. It gave her an insight into what Logan was really like. Maybe he wasn't a Christopher clone after all. It eased her mind to know that he was taking responsibility for his actions. The relief she now felt made her recall her discussion with Sookie once more. Maybe she _should_ just tell Luke how badly she messed up. It didn't make their relationship any less over, but he deserved that much. He deserved to know that going to Christopher was the single most hurtful thing she could have ever done, and she regretted it every day of her life. She still wouldn't have eloped with him, but despite how hurt she was, hurting him back hadn't helped one bit.

The next day, when she ran into him in the middle of the maze, she went for it. She was surprised when he apologized too, for his role in their breakup. As she finished walking through the maze, she began to hope that maybe her heart could start healing. She wanted to move on, and have her friend back.

* * *

Luke was still wide awake later that night, staring at the ceiling in the dark apartment. He could hear April's deep breathing across the room. He kept shifting around, but he couldn't get comfortable. He didn't know if Rory and Logan were still at Lorelai's house, and he didn't dare call her and risk waking them or April. He felt an incredible urge to see her, kiss her, and hold her. Their declarations today had thrown him. All of a sudden, he felt like things between them could change. Maybe she didn't want to be with him anymore, but at the very least they could work toward getting their friendship back.

In a rush of spontaneity, he threw on his jacket and some shoes, and snuck out of the apartment, then down to the alley behind the diner. Jamming his hands into his pockets, he walked over to Lorelai's house. The only car in the driveway was the Jeep, with Rory's Prius nowhere to be found. He hesitated a moment. It wouldn't be the first time he'd used his key and just joined her in her bed, although leaving April at home wasn't the most responsible idea he'd ever had. In the end, he decided he'd come this far, so he could just see her and leave.

He crept up to her bedroom, and peeked into the door. "Lorelai?" he whispered, stepping inside.

"Luke?" she said, sitting up.

"Did I wake you?"

"No, I just barely turned out the light. What's going on, where's April?"

"She's asleep." There was an awkward pause as he stepped inside the bedroom. "Uh, I just needed to see you."

"Oh, Luke," she said softly, swinging her legs around to hang over the side of the bed. He crossed the room and gathered her up in his arms, kissing her deeply. He broke the kiss, then smoothed his palm against her cheek.

"I have to go," he said wistfully. "But I want you to start coming back into the diner. Please?"

"I'll think about it," she said quietly, staring up at him.

He nodded. "Okay," he replied, stepped back and letting his hands fall to his sides. "Goodnight, Lorelai."

"Goodnight, Luke."

* * *

It took a week before Lorelai got the nerve to go back into the diner. She spent longer than normal getting ready that morning because she was wanted to look great, but not like she was trying too hard. In the end, all of her stressing was completely warranted. The conversation between her and Luke was stilted and awkward, even though she'd seen him naked only a week prior. They just didn't know how to do their banter thing anymore. They hadn't had a normal conversation in months. Her no small talk rule during all of those months when she was married to Christopher had broken a part of their relationship, and they just didn't know how to communicate anymore. Even the small amount of talking they'd done the last few times they'd been together had been minimal, and they both knew where it was leading. Casual conversation with onlookers was torture.

Aside from his brief middle-of-the-night visit, Luke hadn't come by. Things between the two of them were strained still, and the interaction at the diner that morning had only amplified it. Sookie's suggestion to call Luke with his opinion about buying a new car was genius. Maybe having a goal to focus on would make the conversation flow more easily. But it was quickly obvious that that wasn't the case.

* * *

When Lorelai called about going car shopping, Luke jumped at the opportunity to spend some time with her in a non-bedroom setting. He hoped that it would prove to her that he was willing to put aside the past and move on, willing to change and adapt. He kept wanting to help, but she was being obtuse and illogical. After he showed her the new model Wrangler and she rejected it, he lost it. He barrelled directly into one of his rants, and only stopped when she got this weird look on her face. "You're smiling," he accused her.

"What? No. You've got low blood sugar," she replied instantly, digging around in her purse.

Suddenly they found themselves in classic Luke and Lorelai banter, and it felt familiar. Just like riding a bike, funny enough. When Lorelai admitted that she wasn't planning to buy a car that day, he led her back to the truck, opening the door and ushering her in before walking around and getting in on the driver's side.

They sat in silence for a moment in the cab of the truck, then suddenly they both flew at each other. Lorelai knocked off his hat to run her fingers through his hair, and Luke cupped her ass as he pulled her closer to them. It was the first time they had touched in public in almost a year. It was definitely the first time they had kissed like _this_ in public. She ground against him slightly, and he pushed his tongue into her mouth. They devoured each other like it had been years instead of only a week since they had last kissed.

"This is what was missing all those years we argued as friends," she gasped when they broke apart.

"Maybe that's what made our first kiss at the Dragonfly so good," he chuckled, squeezing her ass with his hands.

"Because you were yelling at me?" she exclaimed, pretending to be offended.

"What can I say? You're damned annoying." They grinned at each other.

"So, no car?" he said again, making sure.

"No car," she agreed. They separated, going back to their own ends of the bench seat, and Luke drove them back to Stars Hollow.

* * *

After he dropped her off, Luke went directly into action mode. He looked around on Craigslist with Zach's help and found the 1999 Wrangler. When he went to look at it, the whole time he kept wondering if he was doing this as a friend, or as a grand romantic gesture. By the time he returned to the Stars Hollow town limits, he had nearly convinced himself he was ready to try again.

When he got to Lorelai's house, he was ready to tell her how he felt. But when Jackson answered the door, he chickened out. Instead, he told her about the other Jeep. The smile on her face made the entire farce worth it, no matter how stupid it was to pay as much to fix an old car as it would cost to buy a new one.

When he arrived home, he walked up the stairs past the nearly empty diner. He went straight to his closet, pushing aside all of the clothes and boxes until he found what he was looking for. Sitting at the kitchen table, he held the blue baseball cap in his hands, turning it over and over, wondering what to do.

* * *

 _A/N: Thanks to everyone hanging in there! I know you are all waiting for them to get together and I promise you it is coming! We have three episodes to go..._


	7. Lorelai Unto the Breach

_A/N: Sorry for the delay, guys! Real life happened. This chapter is longer than normal too, because there was a lot of ground to cover before we get to the end. Which is in one more chapter, so hang in there! We'll get some LL goodness very soon._

* * *

Days passed.

Every time Luke moved around his apartment, he saw the cap out of the corner of his eye. He'd plunked it on the kitchen counter without ceremony, feeling paralyzed by indecision. He wanted its appearance to be a sign for Lorelai, but he also didn't want the entire town on his back about it. He didn't even know if she would notice. He wanted to push the door open just a little crack, just to see if it would be okay, but in a way that he could play it off as no big deal if called on it. One morning, as he was opening the diner alone, an idea flashed through his mind. He ran upstairs and picked up the blue cap, fitting it onto his head. When he returned to the diner, black cap still in hand, he jammed it between the dishwasher and the wall, out of sight. At least if any of the townies asked, he had an explanation ready. In the end, the only person who required an explanation was Zach, and he bought the story without question.

If Lorelai noticed the hat, she didn't let on, although he could tell by the way she was staring at him that it was very possible that she had. But instead of saying anything, in true Lorelai fashion she went on to babble inanely about nautical phrases and his upcoming boat trip with April. After she'd swept out of the diner with her free coffee and donut in hand, he wondered why it had felt so natural to take her advice now that they weren't together. They were still seeing each other in secret. They'd slept together only two nights before, adding a little banter to their encounters. He'd never thought about it before, but talking had become an aphrodisiac for them after going so long without it.

With a pang, he realized that the talking had been missing from their relationship long before she had given him that ultimatum.

* * *

Lorelai definitely noticed the hat.

Even though she and Sookie talked it over, she still wasn't exactly sure how she felt about it. Was this a step toward getting their friendship back? Or maybe it was a sign that he wanted more? She hadn't been able to return to her celibate state. She just couldn't stop herself from succumbing to those kisses and that look in his eyes. Once April had returned to New Mexico, she had felt pulled to the diner, sneaking inside to the apartment and waiting for him to close up. He hadn't given her any indication that anything had changed. They were talking now, but not about their relationship. He hadn't mentioned their conversation in the hay bale maze, they'd been too busy doing other things.

She mulled over what type of response she should have. Should she see if Liz could recreate the jewelry that he'd given her, and wear that? She nixed that idea quickly. There was no way that Liz wouldn't immediately tell her brother everything, and the subtext would quickly become text before she could blink. It would also imply that she wanted to jump back into their romantic relationship, and she wasn't sure that she did. Her feelings were still all muddled and confused, unable to separate her nostalgia from something real. Sookie wasn't much help. She hadn't made a secret of her preference for Luke and the conversation only fueled her fire. After the third time she began re-reading an invoice and realized she still hadn't retained a single word, she gave up. She said a quick goodbye to Sookie and headed home.

Luckily, when she got home there was a distraction by the name of Rory huddled under the covers in her bedroom, who was feeling lost and confused about not getting the Reston Fellowship at the New York Times. The duo embarked on a wallowing spree to end all wallowings, starting with comfort food at Luke's and shopping, and culminating in karaoke night at KC's. When Rory suggested that she go up and sing a song herself, at first she wanted to refuse. But her baby's disappointment over the internship that wasn't meant to be trumped all of her pride. At this point, the town had seen her at her worst, so what was one more embarrassing moment? At least this one would be on her own terms.

Oh, how wrong she was.

Lorelai was feeling pleasantly fuzzy, her senses dulled and her movements loosened. She stumbled up to the stage, hoping she would be able to make out the words on the monitor. She wasn't too worried, though, she figured she could channel Dolly in her sleep.

She was playing up her karaoke stage debut like a ham when she saw Luke walk in, his eyes on her as he made his way up to the bar and ordered a drink. The words got stuck in her throat, and she had to work hard to get them out. They didn't break eye contact. Her heart was pounding and she felt nauseated. As the song continued, she was wringing her hands and forcing herself to stay in place until the music ended. She was barely even registering anything but the way that he was looking at her from across the room. The whole world was only his eyes and the words she was supposed to sing.

When the words stopped scrolling across the screen, she ran out the door into the cold night. Her chest was tight and she couldn't stop the tears from coming. Or the vomit.

"Mom?"

Rory's voice enveloped her like a hug before her daughter's arms followed suit. She was choking up vomit, trying not to sob, feeling drunk and embarrassed and angry and sad. Rory pulled back her hair as she finished heaving into the graveled parking lot of the bar. After she caught her breath, she looked up into Rory's concerned face. "Let's get you home," she said softly, turning her mother toward Maple Street, her arm draped protectively around her shoulders.

Once they got home, Rory led her mother to the upstairs bathroom to get cleaned up. She ran the bath, and set a glass of water and some aspirin on the counter by the sink.

"What happened in there?" she asked her mom.

"Oh, Rory," she said morosely, hiccuping with fresh tears, "I've screwed everything up. I… I think I still love him."

Rory let her cry for awhile, rubbing comforting circles on her back, and when she had finally exhausted herself, left the room so she could get into the bath. There was something that sounded like a knock at the door, and Lorelai figured it was probably Lane, or maybe Sookie had heard through the grapevine that her best friend was a complete freak. Rory went downstairs to answer the door, promising to be back soon. She relaxed into the warm water, using a washcloth to wipe away the traces of tears and vomit from her face and hair, only wishing it could wipe away her humiliation as well.

* * *

Luke knocked on the door apprehensively. He had settled his tab at the bar immediately once Lorelai had rushed off the stage, but by the time he was able to get outside, both she and Rory had disappeared. He didn't even know what he was doing, but he ended up outside their house and he just had to know, had to see her. Rory opened the door, and he knew he looked desperate but he didn't care.

"Can I see her?" he asked, without a greeting or any other preamble.

"She's taking a bath." Rory's expression was firm but not unkind. He saw flickers of concern and sympathy in her blue eyes.

"Oh," he said softly. He wasn't sure if that was good or bad. Lorelai had looked right into his eyes as she'd sung those words and they'd pierced his heart. It was like she had known everything he was thinking and feeling, and although she'd already been singing it before he walked in, it was like she had picked it just for them. He would _always_ love her, and it gave him hope that maybe she still loved him.

"She'll see you in the morning, okay?" Rory continued, holding the door firmly, not giving him an opening at all. "She's a little embarrassed, and still kind of drunk."

"Right, sure," he replied, tamping down his desire to push past Rory and scoop Lorelai up into his arms and tell her how much he loved her still. Instead, he nodded, then turned and walked back toward his lonely apartment.

* * *

When Lorelai stumbled down the stairs the next morning, head pounding and her stomach still roiling from the unfortunate combo of tequila and humiliation, she was disappointed to find that Rory was already heading back to Yale. Mercifully, Rory didn't go on about her public spectacle aside from a brief mention, instead focusing on chattering about her finals and other non-karaoke related pursuits. She took the the day off after Rory left, preferring to hide in her living room watching TV and eating greasy fries. When there was a knock at the door, she was filled with both hope and dread that it would be Luke, but instead a nervous Logan greeted her. Asking for her permission to marry her daughter.

She never would have admitted it to anyone, but the thing that most devastated Lorelai about Logan's upcoming proposal was that her daughter was probably going to be married and she would be a spinster for life. Which made her realization that she was probably still in love with Luke even more heartbreaking.

God, she sucked at timing. When Max had proposed, she hadn't been ready to share her life with someone else. She thought it was real when Chris got his life together, but he went back to Sherry to have 'the whole package' with her. Alex and Jason were just diversions, she had never thought more or less. And her relationship with Luke had been plagued by bad timing - between an extended trip to Maine, a meddling mother, her separation from Rory, and a mystery love child, it had just been a litany of setbacks. Even her marriage to Chris, when it finally happened, was the worst timing of all.

* * *

Even as Luke handed the necklace to his sister, he began to question his sanity for coming here. He was already getting tired of all of the sidelong glances and whispers in the diner since Lorelai's song, but now his sister was in on it, too. Liz dropped both jewelry boxes into a paper bag and handed it to Luke.

"Don't forget what I said, big brother," she said, waggling her finger in his face. He pushed her hand out of the way.

"And I said you and half the town are overreacting," he replied, taking the bag from her and turning to walk out the door.

But despite what he had said to Liz, he really wanted the song to mean something. He waited for her to come into the diner, hoping she would come and explain herself. He didn't want to push, especially since Rory had said she was embarrassed. But the days passed, and she didn't come in. He'd tried calling her a few times, but her cell had gone to voicemail and she never called him back. She was obviously avoiding him.

He was going down the stairs later that morning toward the diner from the apartment when he heard her voice. His heart soared with hope, and he thought he could maybe take her aside and then even give her the necklace. He wasn't one for romantic daydreams, but it seemed perfect.

But when he could make out what she was saying - "You know, I got swept up in the lyrics and the moment. It didn't mean anything." - it was like he had been punched in the gut. He tried to keep his face neutral and stoic, but at that moment he needed her to be out of his diner. Nothing mattered. The Jeep. The hat. The necklace. Hell, all the sex! He'd been making love to her for months, but he realized with sudden clarity that all he was to her was a damn warm body and now, he was done. He put her donut and muffin into a to-go bag, dropped it in front of her and went upstairs, not sparing a glance in her direction. He pressed his hands down on his kitchen table, taking several deep breaths. He wanted to break something, a physical manifestation of the ache inside his chest. Instead, he stood there until he was sure she was gone, and then went back to work.

Her coffee and to-go bag were still there, left behind.

* * *

After she hung up with Rory, she realized that she had left her coffee and baked goods on the counter, but she couldn't stomach walking back in there after the cold shoulder he had given her. She didn't understand his reaction. Even if she had embarrassed him, it wasn't like him to be so cold. Or was it? She felt like she didn't have a handle on Luke at all anymore. She certainly wouldn't have pegged him to be the type to shut her out, but he'd done that. To be the type of guy who wouldn't want her to know his family. To walk away. She thought when they got together that it would be comforting, to be with someone who knew you inside and out, and who you knew the same way. Instead, she had been dead wrong. Falling in love with your best friend was the easiest way to have your heart broken.

* * *

The graduation party at the Gilmore mansion was nice, but for Lorelai it was tempered with memories of parties with Luke at her side. It would have been nice to have someone to make fun of the old society biddies, to avoid the cigar-puffing suits, or to sneak to an empty room for a little old fashioned necking. Instead, she stood around, a smile plastered on her face for Rory. Even seeing Christopher there wasn't awkward, in the way that it's not awkward to see an old friend or a long-lost relative.

She was jolted out of her reverie when she realized that Logan was going to propose to her daughter in front of all of these people. Her heart dropped into her stomach, and she wasn't surprised when Rory bolted. Minutes later, she answered her phone and heard Rory ask her to come outside. Relieved to have a purpose, she ducked out of the party and went to see her daughter.

Lorelai and Rory had a great time riding in the horse-drawn carriage through town, waving regally at trees and fire hydrants. The streets were empty but it was still nice. They giggled, joking back and forth. She could tell that Rory didn't want to discuss the proposal anymore, but she was a little surprised when Rory broke their comfortable repartee with a different topic.

"So have you decided what to do about Luke?"

"Huh?" Lorelai asked, her attention snapping to Rory.

"When we talked earlier, you said you still didn't know what you wanted."

"Rory," Lorelai sighed, turning her gaze to stare straight ahead.

"I don't know if you remember, but that night, after the karaoke, you told me that you still loved him."

"I remember," she said, not wanting to elaborate further.

"So?" Rory's question was gentle, but Lorelai felt it like a spike in the heart. She ached.

"I just don't know, sweets," she said finally. Nodding, Rory dropped the subject.

After the carriage dropped them off back at her parents' place, she peeked inside. Most of the guests were gone, but she spotted Christopher, sitting on a couch in the front room, staring at his phone. Rory had driven back to Yale, presumably to spend some time thinking over Logan's proposal.

"Chris?" she called softly. His head snapped up, and he grinned. She smiled back, noting that the only feelings that stirred up inside her were warm friendly ones, filled with nostalgia and memories.

"Hey, Lor. How's our girl?" She walked over, letting herself fall onto the couch beside him. She leaned her head back, closing her eyes for a moment before answering him.

"She's working it out," she replied finally. She opened her eyes and looked over at Chris, who was looking at her with a slight smile on his face. "What?" she asked, feeling self-conscious. "Do I have crab cake on my face or something?"

He chuckled, running a hand through his hair. "Does it seem weird to you for our kid to have a better shot at marriage than her parents?"

"Uh, what do you mean?" she asked, feeling slightly defensive at his tone.

"Naw, Lor, it wasn't a dig. Honest." His smile shifted, becoming more wistful. "Just, she seems like she has a really good thing with Logan."

"Yeah, they're good together," Lorelai admitted. "Better than I thought they would be."

"You had reservations?"

"Oh, well, he was indulging in a lot of risky behavior, and it made me nervous. You know, I'm the mom. I worry." She shrugged, looking away from Chris to examine her fingernails.

"Right." They sat next to each other in silence for several long moments. Eventually, Lorelai pushed herself off the couch.

"Well, goodnight," she said, about to start walking toward the door when Christopher spoke.

"Have you told him?"

She turned on her heel to face him again. "Told who what?" she asked, although she knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Luke. Have you told him?"

She swallowed hard, staring at her feet. "Ah, Luke and me, it's complicated."

"Lor," he said softly, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his thighs. "Don't be like me. Don't wait until it's too late."

* * *

Lorelai stared at the ceiling from her position on the bed for what felt like hours. She had taken a walk around town after she got back to Stars Hollow to clear her head, but her unexpected run-in with Luke had made everything worse. His behavior over the last few days astounded her. First, he had been so cold to her in the diner, and then the weird conversation that he'd had with her only an hour ago. It was shades of the Luke she remembered from back when, who had been so down on marriage and the idea of being stuck with one person for life. For a long time, she'd thought he'd just said those things to get a rise out of her. Then, after he'd shown her the horoscope, she'd thought that maybe he'd been jealous. He had agreed to marry her so readily. But maybe he had thought saying no would have ended things before he wanted them to end, and he never wanted to marry her after all. None of it made any sense. She sighed heavily, preparing herself for a long, sleepless night.

* * *

Rory's graduation the following day was bittersweet. All the times she had envisioned it, she had imagined Luke to be there. Even before they were together, she had pictured him with her. He'd been at her high school graduation ceremony, after all, blubbering with the rest of them.

Instead, she argued with her parents, pretended to be a successful co-parent with Chris, and glowed with pride as she watched her daughter walk across the stage and accept her Bachelor's degree. Then she watched from afar as Rory gave Logan an answer he apparently didn't want to hear. It was then, that single moment over all the others, that showed her that her daughter was officially a grown-up. Her job raising Rory was complete. When Rory came back to their group, she gave her mom a brave but watery smile.

"Let's go get my stuff out of the apartment," she said. Lorelai understood that as code for 'I don't want to talk about it', and followed her to the parking lot.

As they went up the stairs for the final boxes, she could see the slump in Rory's shoulders. "How you doing, honey?" she asked, as Rory bent to pick up the last box.

She straightened, looking at her mom. "Uh, okay."

"Yeah?"

"Well, I'm not okay." She sighed. "I feel awful. I feel sick. I miss him already."

"I know."

"And it just sucks, you know, because I graduated today. This was supposed to be a happy day in my life, and now when I look back on it, I'm just gonna think about this horrible thing that happened."

"I'm sorry," Lorelai said softly. "I think you made the right decision."

"You do?" Rory's relief was etched all over her face, and it made Lorelai's heart fill with pride and love all over again.

"I do. Someday you'll meet someone, and you'll just know it's right. You won't want to hesitate. You'll just know."

"I hope so."

"I really do believe it," Lorelai said, trying to sound reassuring.

She helped Rory put the last few boxes in the Prius, then walked over to her equally stuffed Jeep. "See you at home!" she called.

"Al's for dinner?" Rory asked, sliding behind the wheel.

"You got it, kid." Doors slammed, and after one last look at the apartment building, they pulled out of the parking lot, one after the other.

As she drove home, Lorelai had nothing but time to think. She had realized while she was talking to Rory that what she said applied not only to her daughter's relationship, but to her own. When it came to Luke, she wouldn't have hesitated. She had wanted to marry him more than anything. She knew it was right. But now she had to face the truth that the man she was in love with didn't feel the same.

After Rory fell asleep, she went upstairs to her room and dialed those numbers, the grooves practically worn into her cell phone from constant dialing over the past 11 years.

"Hello?" he answered, thick with sleep. She couldn't speak for a moment, overcome with emotion over all her realizations over the past several days. "Hello?" he asked again, irritation coloring his voice.

"I would have eloped with you," she blurted, feeling tears beginning to form.

"Lorelai?"

"If you had asked me to elope with you, I would have. I knew it was right, I didn't need time." Her breath hitched slightly, and she pursed her lips, as tears began to spill down her cheeks. "I wanted to leap. I was ready, damn it!" And then she hung up, powering down her phone and crawling under the covers, just before the sobs took over in choking gasps.

* * *

Across town, Luke held the phone in his hand, staring at it as the dial tone began to buzz. He kept playing over what Lorelai had said, about knowing. He _had_ known. He had known all along that they were right together. So why hadn't he agreed to elope with her? He'd wanted time, but time for what? This whole situation had spun out of control. It was tempting to run to her, to crawl into her bed and show her how much he loved her until she understood him, the depth of how he felt about her. He was used to letting his actions speak. Whenever he brought words into it, he ruined things, either with the wrong words or not enough of them. Was it too late? Should he do some grand gesture, like Liz had suggested? Or was she just attempting to get closure and move on?

With a sigh, he stumbled back to his bed. He couldn't think about it right now. He had an early delivery, a diner to run, and a daughter in New Mexico to think about. He couldn't let himself get sucked into this thing with her again. It had to be over. Didn't it?


	8. Voyage

Lorelai knew she just needed to just bite the bullet and call the diner to place the food order for Rory's graduation party. She started dialing the number several times but never let the call go through, nervousness preventing her from hanging on long enough to hear his voice. There had been no mention or acknowledgement of her late night phone call. She'd gone to the diner a few times, always for coffee to go, never staying long enough to exchange more than quick pleasantries. As the days passed with no response from him, she grew more and more certain that it was over. Their time had passed. The hat was a fluke. He was probably over her, so wearing it just wasn't as painful anymore. The thought made the ache inside her even stronger.

A few days after Rory's graduation ceremony, she stopped into the diner for coffee and decided to go for it then. "Hey, Luke?" she began hesitantly. His head jerked up from the task he was doing, and something unreadable passed over his face before returning to neutral.

"Yeah?" he asked, pressing his palms to the counter and looking at her directly.

She felt undone by having his complete attention on her, but forged ahead. "You may have heard I'm throwing a graduation party for Rory in the town square on Saturday," she said.

"Uh, yeah, I heard something about it," he replied.

"Would you mind placing an order for some hot dogs and burgers? I want enough food for everyone. I'm expecting a decent crowd."

"Sure," he said, nodding. "No problem."

She let out a nervous laugh, feeling slightly relieved. It was the most they'd spoken since her outburst over the phone, and it was good to have it over with. Maybe this was right, maybe it was time to finally let go of any hope she had that they would fix things romantically. "Great," she said, grabbing her coffee and walking out the door.

* * *

It was easier to focus on work than on things between him and Lorelai. After she'd asked him to order the food for Rory's party, he'd quickly gone into business mode, checking the store room and his walk-in cooler. In a stroke of luck, Charlie from Wholesale Grocery dropped by that afternoon and he was able to give him the order right away. Now that the weather was warming up and school was out for the summer, business was picking up again, and it gave him a welcome distraction from the problem he was facing.

Liz came in and started pestering him all over again about the necklace. He shot her down quickly. He wasn't going to give her or anyone else an inch about it until he knew himself. He was going to have to come up with some way to lay it all out there, to make sure that he knew exactly where Lorelai stood on the subject of them before he admitted to anything. He was still trying to think of some way that he could show Lorelai exactly how he felt about her, but he was coming up empty. The necklace alone wasn't enough. He'd realized after her phone call that they needed to clear the air between them. He just wanted to do it in a way that would work best in his favor. Their run-in in front of the diner the night that Logan proposed was proof that he couldn't work off the cuff. He needed to prepare, he just didn't know where to start.

* * *

Lorelai had become a really good actress over the past couple of years. She'd hid her devastation over Rory's affair with Dean from everyone. She'd pretended things were fine when she'd been pushed away over April. She'd acted like she wanted to be with Chris well enough that he'd asked her to marry him. And when Rory shared the news about getting a job covering Senator Obama's campaign, she was able to mask her heart plummeting into her stomach like a pro.

On the way home from Friday Night Dinner, Lorelai kept up the bubbly chatter, making all kinds of political campaign jokes and teasing Rory about her "in" with the probable future president. When Rory yawned and decided she was going to bed, Lorelai flashed a bright smile and went upstairs. She turned on the shower and let the water hit her face, the sound of the spray masking her sobs.

* * *

The next morning, Lorelai plastered on her bright smile and went downstairs. Rory was already ensconced at the kitchen table with her laptop and piles of papers, making notes and lists.

"Hey, Mom," she said, barely looking up. Lorelai poured herself a cup of coffee and sat across from her. She cherished the moment, knowing these times of drinking coffee together at the kitchen table was about to become a rare occurrence.

"So what's on the agenda, today?" she asked, focusing on what needed to be done.

"I need to buy some essentials before I leave, and I'd like to see a few people. Especially Lane," she added.

"Well, okay, then," Lorelai agreed. After they finished their cups of coffee, they got dressed and hopped in the Jeep, a quick trip to the diner first on the list. Lorelai needed to cancel the food order for the party that was no longer happening, and they just couldn't knock everything off their to-do list until they were fortified by Luke's superior brew. The idea of seeing Luke again filled Lorelai with anxiety, but she didn't want her daughter to notice how she was feeling, so she buried her nerves with a bright smile and started driving toward town.

* * *

After Lorelai and Rory left the diner, Luke stared at the door for awhile, watching them walk toward the Jeep then drive away, presumably to go shopping for whatever Rory would need now that she would be on the road. It was unlikely that anyone one else noticed, but he could see that the smile didn't quite reach her eyes. He hated knowing that Lorelai was pretending to be happy and excited for Rory but inside, she was falling apart. He knew her so well, he could see behind her facade. He wished there was something he could do.

"This is terrible," he overheard Babette say to Miss Patty, as they slumped in their seats, clearly disappointed by the change of plans.

"I know, honey," Patty replied sadly. "I wish we could still have the party, like a going away party or something."

"Yeah, but who could throw that together in 24 hours?"

"I will," Luke said suddenly. He turned his head toward the kitchen. "Caesar, going out for a bit!" He went out the door, the plans all forming together in his head as he headed toward the truck, leaving the customers in the diner to share puzzled looks.

Once he'd talked to Sookie about the desserts, everything started coming together. He and Jackson arranged the town meeting, where they divided everything that needed to be done and everyone spread out throughout the town in order to get all the preparations accomplished.

* * *

That evening, Lorelai wandered into Rory's bedroom, unable to prevent herself from watching her baby girl sleeping one last time. Her throat constricted and she couldn't even swallow. As she pulled the blanket over her daughter's sleeping form, a tear slipped down her cheek. After a few moments, she knew she about to lose it, and slipped outside to the front porch. She dropped her head into her hands and the dam burst. She tried to be quiet, but it was hard to contain the sobs that were wracking her body.

"Lorelai?"

Her head snapped up, and she saw Luke walking toward her, a concerned expression on his face. Quickly, she wiped the tears from her cheeks and stood up. "Hey," she said, then noticed he was holding two large raincoats in his hands. "What's that?"

"Oh," he looked down, as if he had forgotten they were in his hands. "It's, ah, it's supposed to rain tomorrow, I was just borrowing these from Babette and Morey," he said. "Are you okay?" He reached a hand out to rest on her shoulder, and she felt tears sting her eyes again.

"It's just…" She sniffled. "So soon, you know? I thought we had the whole summer, but…" She shrugged. Luke dropped the raincoats to the ground and pulled her to him. She couldn't resist him. He felt so solid and strong against her, and she wanted to melt against him like she always had before.

She felt his heart beating as she was pressed against him, and couldn't stop herself from looking up into his eyes. She could feel her resistance crumbling just by looking at him. She closed her eyes, then felt his lips on hers. He knew that she needed comforting, and this was the way that they'd become accustomed to giving it. She lost herself in the kiss, letting it grow more passionate. She started to walk backwards toward the garage, and he let her pull him that direction.

She didn't even realize they were pulling each other's clothes off until she felt the chill of the night air against her skin. Luke laid their clothes in a pile on the garage floor, and carefully rested her down on them, their lips never disconnecting. He cradled her head gently, and she sighed with relief when he finally entered her. They moved slowly together, noiselessly. She was surprised by her climax when it swept over her in soft waves. Feeling tears leaking out through her closed eyes. Luke kissed along the tracks her tears left on her face, and she felt him pulsing inside of her. Even though she still felt sad, she felt a sense of relaxation overcome her and knew that now she would be able to sleep.

Luke pulled himself out of her, and laid next to her on their makeshift bed. He held her for several minutes, his hands tangling through her curls. Lorelai didn't say anything, she just took the comfort that he offered her silently.

"I gotta go," he said softly, running his hand through her hair again. She nodded against him, sitting up as they began to sort through their clothing and dressing again. He pulled her against him again for another quick embrace, then walked out of the garage. With a heavy sigh, she went inside and fell into bed without changing into her pajamas, still warmed by the feel of Luke's body against her skin.

* * *

Luke felt slightly ashamed as he walked back to the diner. He'd sent Zach and Brian to the other end of Stars Hollow to pick up as many waterproof coverings that they could find, so he planned to get back and start sewing them all together. Unfortunately, that gave him a lot of time to think. He hadn't meant to be with her again. He'd only wanted to comfort her, but it seemed any time they were physically close, it just happened. Like an irresistible magnet pull between them that he was too weak to fight.

While searching for more fishing twine to thread the tarps together, he came across the necklace from Liz, tucked away in the drawer. He paused a moment, then decided he would give it to her after all. If the right moment came. He hadn't considered that this party could be the epic romantic gesture that Liz had implied he should give until then, especially since his simple idea of a party had gotten increasingly complicated. If Lorelai decided to view it as a symbol of his love for her, he'd take it. If not, he'd think of something else. He just hoped that it wouldn't be only to fill the void left by Rory's departure.

* * *

Lorelai was overwhelmed the next day when they drove to the center of town and saw the party across the square. Her good cry the night before had helped to fortify her against blubbering, but this display of love from her friends and neighbors wasn't making it easy. Even her parents were showing uncharacteristic displays of emotion.

Lorelai had just finished saying goodbye to her parents, also reassuring her mother that they would continue their Friday Night Dinners, when Sookie came up behind her and tapped her on the arm. "Hey."

"Hey!" Lorelai replied with a smile.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Sookie said, looking around at the covered party area. The rain had stopped, but the grass underneath it was still dry and the colored lights gave the party a very festive appearance.

"It's so beautiful," Lorelai said with awe in her voice. "I can't believe you pulled it off."

Sookie shook her head. "No, I just did all the baking. This was all Luke."

"What?" Lorelai exclaimed softly.

"He made me promise not to tell you, but I don't care." She chucked lightly, waving her arms toward the party. "This is all Luke. He did all of it. He's the one that came to me and said, 'let's do the party,' and then he planned the secret town meeting, everything."

Lorelai felt her heart begin to pound and her throat went dry. "Really?"

"Yeah. I mean last night when we thought it was gonna rain and we'd have to cancel the party, he went around and collected everybody's tarps and tents and raincoats." She waved her arms, gesturing to the covering above them. "I don't know how he did it. He must have stayed up all night doing this. Can you believe that?"

"Yeah," Lorelai said, feeling herself choke up. "I'll be back."

"Okay," Sookie replied, with a knowing smile.

Lorelai walked over to the grill looking for Luke, knowing she had to say something. This was it, she couldn't be imagining it. If he had stayed up all night working on this party for her daughter, it had to mean something. She knew he loved Rory, but this was above and beyond. When she got to the grilling area, Caesar told her that he had gone back to the diner to get more charcoal, so she headed that direction.

She saw him walk out of the diner, the bag in his hand.

"Hey," she said, stopped in front of him.

"Hey," he replied.

"Thank you," was all she could think to say, but she felt like it said everything.

"Aw, it's no big deal," he said, in that humble manner that was so uniquely Luke.

"Luke," she whispered.

"I… just like to see you happy," he said, his voice soft and low. He gave her a small smile, and she knew. Lorelai tilted her head toward him and stepped forward. She was vaguely aware of the thud of the bag of charcoal hitting the pavement when they fell into each other's arms, kissing like the rest of the world just faded away.

"I love you," she said, breathless, as they broke apart.

"Lorelai," he murmured, resting his forehead against hers. "I've never loved anyone more."

She swallowed hard. "I'm sorry, I-" he cut her off with another kiss.

"Shh," he replied, his hands going up into her hair. "We'll figure this all out later. For now, let's go back to the party." She nodded, still wrapped up in his arms. He pulled back slightly, and fished the long pink box out of his back pocket. "I have something for you."

* * *

After she dropped Rory off at the airport the next morning, she drove around aimlessly. She tried to quiet her thoughts, but they were whirling around in a frenzy. It was like a piece of her had boarded a plane to Iowa and she didn't know when it would be back. Eventually, she stepped inside the diner and stared vacantly ahead, feeling like she wasn't even in her body. She didn't even remember driving here. She felt Luke before she saw him, and fell into his arms.

"Hey," he said soothingly, rubbing circles on her back, and holding up when he felt her knees buckle. "She'll come home, she's not gone forever."

"It's so hard," Lorelai cried into his shoulder, her tears soaking his shirt. "Why is it so hard?"

"Shhh," he murmured. Unthinking, he pressed a kiss to her forehead. With that simple gesture, he heard gasps and the clatter of silverware around the diner. They'd somehow managed to grope each other in public the night before without anyone noticing. That morning, Rory had given him a knowing look and Lorelai was still wearing the necklace he'd given her before they'd gone back to the party, but otherwise it seemed like their reunion had gone unnoticed. He looked up to see Babette leaving the diner and racing down the street toward Miss Patty's as fast as her legs could go. "Hello Magazine just left to spread the word," he whispered into her ear.

She looked up, confused. "Huh?"

He tilted his chin toward the dance studio. "Babette just ran to Miss Patty's. Apparently we are big news today."

"Is… is that okay?" she asked, a mixture of anxiety and hesitation on her face.

"More than okay," he said. "Come on, let's go upstairs."

"Actually, I should get back to the house. I need to check on Paul Anka and start cleaning everything up. We kind of did all of our packing kamikaze style."

"I'll go with you," he said. "Just let me tell Caesar and call Zach. Coffee?"

"Do you have to ask?" she said, a small smile forming. Her eyes were red and her cheeks still had tear stains, but she appeared to be doing better already.

* * *

They spent the rest of the day sorting through everything, deciding which things would go back in Rory's bedroom for safe-keeping, which things would get tossed or donated, and a few borrowed items (like Jackson's fanny pack) that needed to be returned to their owners. Around 6pm, Luke could tell that she was fading. He assumed that she hadn't slept much the night before between the late party and the early wake up, along with the anxiety and sadness she was feeling about Rory's departure.

"You must be exhausted," he said. "Let me get you something to eat and we'll go up to bed." Despite the early hour, she didn't argue. He made her a sandwich and practically had to feed it to her, she was so tired. Afterward, he helped her upstairs and to the bed.

As he started to dig through the dresser drawers to get her pajamas, she spoke sleepily. "Don't bother. I'll just sleep in my underwear."

"You sure?" he asked, standing up slightly.

"Yeah, I'm sure." She gave him a half smile. "Besides, I want to feel your skin against mine." She paused a moment. "You are staying, right?"

"I was planning to, as long as that's okay?"

"More than okay." They both smiled as she repeated the phrase he'd used earlier in the day.

He helped her out of her shirt and jeans, and shucked off his own. They crawled under the covers beside each other and Luke reached over to turn of the bedside lamp. They snuggled together in the darkness.

"Is this stupid? Trying again?" she asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

He considered her question for a moment. After everything they'd been through, he knew that it would take wild horses to keep him from her this time. "It would be stupid not to," he said finally, kissing her bare shoulder. "Go to sleep, Lorelai. I love you."

"Love you, too," she mumbled, and soon after, her breathing was deep and even.

* * *

Lorelai woke to the sensation of a warm hand softly running up and down the length of her arm. She blinked her eyes open, and turned, looking into Luke's blue eyes.

"Morning," he said softly, a slight smile on his face.

"How long have you been awake?" she asked.

"Since about 5:30," he said. She craned her neck over to look at the alarm clock.

"Luke! It's 9 o'clock!"

"Yeah," he said. She rolled over so they were face to face, his hand resting on her hip. "I didn't want you to wake up without me here."

"Oh you," she giggled, reaching her arm around his neck and pulling him closer for a kiss. She'd meant the kiss to the an innocent peck, but it quickly took on a life of its own as she felt his arousal against her thigh. She ran her hands over his chest, reveling in the feel of making love to him in the morning, sleep tousled and warm. He slipped his hand inside her panties, palming one cheek with his warm hand. She moved on top of him, and he began to tug down her panties. She sat up slightly, reaching behind her back to unhook her bra and tossing it aside, then working on pulling down his boxers. As his cock stood at attention in front of her, she bent down to press a sweet kiss to the tip. Divested of their clothes, she draped her body on top of his, and they stared at each other a moment, both unable to believe after the past year that they were here. Luke pushed his cock inside her and they moved together in a practiced dance, neither of them blinking as they gazed at each other for several long moments.

Slowly, Luke flipped them over, and he pressed kisses all along her chin, cheeks, face, and neck. Lorelai arched her back to meet his kisses, and he took one waiting nipple into his mouth, laving it tenderly with his tongue. Her hands ran up his shoulders and neck to rest in his hair, and she tugged softly to bring his lips back to hers. It felt like forever and again too soon when waves of pleasure washed over her, and she felt her body tense then relax into a puddle of liquid limbs. Luke's release followed hers, and with a gasp she felt him spill into her. They stayed connected, letting their lips graze each other for awhile, until Luke was concerned he would crush her. He rolled to his side, never letting go of her. He nuzzled her neck slightly and she relaxed into him even more.

"Lorelai?"

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted you to know, sometime in the not so distant future, I'm probably going to ask you to marry me. Not right away, but someday. Soon."

"Oh," she said. "Okay."

"I just wanted you to know." They laid together in silence for awhile, enjoying the morning and the comfort of knowing they were in the same place.

After several moments, Lorelai turned her face up to look at him. "I should tell you that I'm probably going to say yes."

He grinned, pulling her closer. "Good."

* * *

A/N: Here we are, at the end of this story! I want to thank everyone who followed, faved, or reviewed, and even everyone who read it without responding. I don't want to promise anything, so I'm marking this story complete for now. BUT if there is a way to make an epilogue that makes sense along with the canon of the revival - well, you'll have to wait and see. Once again I'd like to thank my beta **Skinfull** for her welcome comments and suggestions that made this story better.


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